I think grand-nana would’ve loved my Jenny. The two women, from what I know of my grand-nana who’d lived until I was six, share a similar spirit and attitude about life. I find it strange that it never crossed my mind to ask for it when I was getting married the first time, though I always knew it was to be passed down to me.
Mom didn’t ask any questions, just brought it over, and I’ve been carrying it in my pocket all morning. Now she’s making my guts hurt with that look on her face. If she’s regretting this shit, it’s too late now; she’s fucking stuck. I realized she hadn’t answered, and I squeezed her. “Hey”
“Do you miss her?” Her voice sounded close to tears.
“Miss who?” I honestly didn’t know whom she was talking about at first. My girl isn’t that damn clueless to think that I would miss Lauren.
“The mother of your children, your wife.”
“Ex-wife, and what the hell would make you think that?” She shrugged her shoulders with that damn look still on her face. “Look at me. Why would you ask me such a question out of the blue?” When her eyes filled up with tears, I got flop sweat.
“I don’t know, I just feel… this is Emma and Sara’s first Xmas. They were having so much fun with me and I with them, but then I started feeling like a fraud. Like this is supposed to be her life, and maybe you wish she were here instead of me.”
She said the last few words in a whisper, but I heard her all the same. Her period must be about to start. This would be my first experience going through that particular horror with her, so I’d better take notes. I wanted to cheer her up now, though.
My parents are stopping by in a little bit to see their grandbabies and then were heading off somewhere with friends for the rest of the day since I’d told them they didn’t need to babysit me and the girls like mom had planned to. I don’t want them seeing her like this the first time I introduce her as mine.
My hand reached into my pocket, and my fingers played over the smooth surface of the diamond. I’d taken the ring out of the box so as not to give anything away, but I’d been planning to give it to her later in front of the fireplace once the girls were down for the night. Don’t ask me why it was in my pocket since six o’clock this morning.
I knew words weren’t going to cut through whatever PMS bullshit was going on in her head, but actions just might work. So while she sniffled into my chest, I took the ring from my pocket and took her hand in mine. I slid the ring on while she watched before looking up at me with her mouth open.
“I’m keeping my promise. You’ve been eighteen for almost a year already, so we’ll have to get started on the wedding soon. Don’t do that, geez, what?” I wiped the tears that fell from her eyes with my thumbs and held her precious face in my hands.
“I love you, Jenny!” I love that spark of light that came alive in her eyes at my words. And the look of wonder on her face made my heart feel a little bit easier. “I love you, took me a while to get there, but that’s not such a bad thing either seeing as how I fucked up the first time I did this.”
“I want to spend my life with you. I wanna watch…every step of your life from now on. I want to be there, to share in all your achievements, to hold you when you fail, if such a thing is possible since my baby is damn near perfect in everything she does. Look at all this.” I pointed my chin in the direction of the counter that she had covered with the many dishes she’d been preparing since she woke up this morning.
“You’re amazing, and I’m so glad you waited for me.” I kissed her lips softly, and those damn tears started up again. “Baby, you’re killing me here. Why’re you crying still? You don’t believe me?” She wrapped her arms around me tight and buried her face in my chest.
I held my breath until she nodded. “I believe you; I’m just so happy.” I rolled my eyes over her head. The PMS is strong in this one.
“Okay, so if you’re happy, let me see your smile. Please no more tears, they’re making my gut hurt like hell. Do you like your ring?”
She held her hand out and turned it this way and that. “I love it.”
“Does it need resizing or anything?”
“Nope, it’s a perfect fit, almost as if it was made for me. Is this a family heirloom? They don’t make rings like this anymore.”