Craving Rose (The Aces' Sons 5)

“Why are they being so mysterious about the whole thing?” I asked. “It seems a bit dramatic, even for CeeCee.”

“Who knows,” she replied with a sigh. “I’ve learned to just live my own life and try not to let her stress me out.”

“Good call,” I replied, glancing at my phone again.

“Stop checking your phone,” she ordered quietly. “You don’t answer when he calls, anyway.”

“I know, it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. It didn’t work out, he needs to stop bothering you.”

“He’s not bothering me,” I argued.

“You’ve lost a ton of weight and your skin looks like crap,” she retorted. “You’re trying to move on and he’s not letting you. It’s bullshit.”

“He probably thinks I’ll change my mind,” I mumbled, glancing at my phone again.

“Do you think he’ll change his mind?” she asked.

I thought about the absolute finality in his voice when he told me that Kara wasn’t mine to raise and that he didn’t want any more kids. The frustration in his voice when he’d tried to talk me out of leaving, never once giving an inch. The way his voice had gone rough when he’d talked about Mia.

“No, I don’t,” I replied.

“Then he should give you the same respect,” she said, sitting back in her chair.

“I don’t want him to stop calling,” I confessed with an uncomfortable laugh. “It means he’s still thinking about me.”

“Rose,” Lily said softly, her eyes sad. “Don’t settle. He made it really clear what he was willing to give you and what he wasn’t.”

“I know,” I replied, sitting up straight. “I know that.”

“I hate this for you. I know you thought he was the one.”

“It’s embarrassing,” I said with a watery laugh. “Why does this always happen to me? We have this conversation over and over, and I still keep finding these guys who aren’t right for me and then completely falling apart.”

“You haven’t fallen apart,” she said firmly. “You’re sad. You have the right to be sad.”

“This hurts so much worse than it ever has before,” I choked out. “Before, it was like I was grieving a dream that I’d lost, you know? I was so intent on finding someone and when it didn’t work out, I was so disappointed.”

“I know you were.”

“But now?” I shook my head. “Lily, it feels like someone died.”

“I’m so sorry.”

I huffed and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Now, it sounds like I’m trying to convince you that this time is different.”

“Listen,” she said, pulling my hands away from my face. “I hesitate to say this, because I don’t want to make things harder for you…”

“Oh, great,” I mumbled.

“But, this time is different,” she said, ignoring my comment. “Mack’s a good guy who loves you. He was good to you and he wanted to spend his life with you.”

I held back a sob.

“But that’s not enough, Rose,” she said. “It isn’t. Because you want two very different futures.”

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to have kids with me,” I whispered hoarsely. “Or why he doesn’t trust me with Kara.”

“I don’t, either,” Lily replied with a sigh. “But I have a feeling it doesn’t actually have anything to do with you.”

* * *

All my nights at work had started to blend together, and that night wasn’t any different. My customers didn’t amuse me anymore, I was dead on my feet most of the time, and it was no longer funny when idiots tried to pick me up. Bottom line, I didn’t want to be around people, which made bartending a chore.

I was tired and irritated and watching the clock when Mack strode through the front door, his eyes immediately finding me behind the bar. I should have known that dodging his calls wouldn’t last forever, but I’d been under the mistaken impression that he’d eventually give up. Clearly, I was wrong.

I fidgeted with the towel in my hand as he strode toward me, barely noticing the men who followed him inside or the customers standing at the bar waiting for my attention. I couldn’t see anything but Mack. His dark flannel fit snug under his cut, and he was wearing a black beanie that I’d never seen before. I wondered if it was new, and my stomach twisted at the thought of not knowing that he’d bought something as insignificant as a hat.

“You got a break comin’ up?” he asked as he reached the opposite edge of the bar top.

“I just took one,” I replied, glancing over at my boss.

“Take another one,” Mack ordered.

I glanced at the crowded bar. “I can’t just—”

“Rose,” Mack cut me off. “Take another one.”

We stared at each other, neither of us willing to concede.

I broke first. Of course I did. I wanted any time I could have with him, even if it was only fifteen minutes in the middle of my shift.

“Matt,” I called, setting down the towel that I’d wrung into a wrinkled ball. “I’m taking a break.”