My heart pounded and I lay frozen for a long time, my eyes the only things that shifted as I heard my mom and dad downstairs talking to Charlie. Everything in my room was different than the last time I’d seen it, when I’d had toys and coloring supplies covering every surface. Now it was an adult room. I’d known it intellectually, but seeing it was like a kick to the face. Seeing it. I was seeing it all.
Charlie screeched downstairs, followed by the sound of her running, and I closed my eyes, picturing where she was by the sound of the floorboards under her feet. No.
No more closing my eyes. I didn’t want to ever close them again. Not even to sleep.
Slowly, I pushed my quilt back and sat up in bed, growing dizzy for a second as the room tilted. That was normal. My point of view had changed. Holy shit.
I twisted my head from side to side trying to figure out what to do. My room didn’t have a mirror in it. The bathroom did, though. I could go to the bathroom.
I pushed up from the bed and took a few tentative steps forward, looking at everything in my path. The walls were still the same light gray shade that they’d always been. My bedroom door was still white, but the doorknob was different because Rose and I had broken it a couple years before. It used to be gold, but now it was a dull silver color.
The carpet in the hallway was the same boring tan, but it was far more worn than it had been the last time I’d seen it. I hadn’t noticed that it had felt any different as the years had gone on, but there were definite stains that Mom hadn’t been able to clean.
My breathing was heavy as I reached the bathroom door, but right as I was about to swing it open, my dad’s laughter drifted up from the kitchen, stopping me in my tracks.
I changed course and made my way to the top of the stairs. As I took the first step, I stumbled a little, miscalculating how far away it was. I grabbed the railing to keep myself from plummeting down on my ass. Okay, so my depth perception wasn’t so good. That was probably pretty standard, right? Just something I’d have to get used to.
I walked slowly, taking in everything. So much was the same, and so much was different. My mom had repainted the downstairs so many times that there was probably an inch of paint on the walls, but the last time she’d gone with a pale blue, almost green. It looked good. She’d done a good job. There were new photos on the walls. Mom hung them up constantly, but I didn’t let myself look at them. Not yet. I didn’t want to see how people had changed in photographs.
When I got to the kitchen, I completely froze. I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe.
My parents were standing near the stove with their backs to me. Mom was stirring something and Dad was whispering in her ear, making her chuckle. She was wearing a purple robe that I’d never seen before and her hair was in curlers. She had a freckle at the nape of her neck. I’d never noticed that freckle before. I wouldn’t have cared about it before.
Dad’s hair was short, like he’d recently shaved it with a pair of clippers, and his jaw was scruffy with a mixture of grey and black hair. He was wearing a bright white t-shirt that I remembered wouldn’t stay that way for long.
“What’s up, Lilybug?” He turned toward me. “You’re up early.”
His eyes met mine, and things went blurry for a minute as tears filled my eyes. I took a step forward without even thinking about it. Then another one, and another.
“Farrah,” he said, in a tone I’d never heard before.
He took a step toward me and I choked out a laugh, staring at his face. “You got old,” I whispered, my eyes widening. He had wrinkles where there hadn’t been any before. Little lines that spread out from the corners of his eyes and between his brows. The grooves on the sides of his mouth were even deeper than they’d been before, like he’d been smiling so much that they’d finally just decided to take up permanent residence there.
“Lily?” he asked in confusion, his eyes welling up. “Baby, can you see me?”
“Yeah.” The word came out as a sob, and suddenly I was pulled against his chest, his arms so tight around me that I could barely breathe.
“Oh, God,” he whispered, kissing my head over and over. “Oh, God. Finally.”
He pulled back and I laughed a little as he reached up and absently wiped the wet from his cheeks.