And I was going to end all that because a seventeen-year-old girl asked me to.
I scrubbed a hand down my face and sighed. I wasn’t doing it because she asked me to. Not really. I was ending it because I didn’t really care either way about Ashley, but I’d kill for Lily. It was tearing her up, and no matter how I rationalized that Lily’s feelings were over the top and weren’t my responsibility, I couldn’t keep hurting her.
It pissed me off. I was a grown ass man. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. But somehow, watching Lily as she slowly faded over the past few months, my priorities had shifted. As Lily had gotten angrier and more withdrawn, I’d become the opposite. I’d gone out of my way to help out my brothers in the club. I’d always pitched in where I could, but I’d never been as outgoing and interested in others as I had been over the last month.
I knew, without consciously thinking about it, that I was going to need their support soon. I wasn’t going to be able to let Lily keep spiraling, and the minute I stepped in, I was going to cause a shitshow.
I didn’t for a second think that Lily’s anger was all about me. Hell, I was pretty sure that I was just her scapegoat. No, sweet Lily was going through some shit that didn’t have anything to do with me or anyone else. I’d been in her shoes. After the Russians had executed the attack on the club, I’d been livid. Yeah, I’d been pissed about my face, but it had been everything else that had set me off. We’d lost people. Friends and family that I’d grown up with and loved had been gone in less than five minutes, and there hadn’t been anything I could do to stop it, even though I’d tried.
But the difference between me and Lily is that I hadn’t had a single person to be pissed at. Sure, I’d done everything I could to take out as many men in the Russian organization as I could, but I hadn’t had that single person to work out my frustrations on. One person that I could vent to and rail at, and at the end of the day known that they weren’t going anywhere.
For better or worse, I could be that person for Lily. I could be the one to take that bullshit from her and get rid of it. I could shoulder that, easy. If she needed me to take her shit and come back for more, I’d do it. Gladly.
I took a deep breath and knocked on Ashley’s door. Time to man up.
“Hey,” Ashley rasped as she opened the door. “Did we have plans?”
“You look like shit,” I said, pushing inside her apartment. “You alright?”
“Yeah,” she shuffled toward her couch and climbed under the wadded up comforter she had stashed there. “I think I have food poisoning or something.”
“Damn,” I sat down at her feet and tucked the blanket around her legs. “Where did you eat?”
“Leftovers,” she groaned. “Probably should have thrown them away last week.”
“Damn, girl.” I chuckled. There was no pretense with Ashley. She wasn’t embarrassed that she’d eaten leftovers that had been in her fridge for god knows how long, just matter-of-fact about it.
“What’s up?” she asked, turning her head toward me.
I rubbed a hand uncomfortably down the back of my head. I needed a haircut.
“So it’s like that, huh?” she asked knowingly.
“Just not workin’ out anymore,” I said kindly. Breaking up with a sick person was a shitty thing to do, but I couldn’t put it off. I’d already told Lily that I was done, I had to be done.
“Okay,” she said simply. She watched me closely for a moment before closing her eyes. “It was fun while it lasted,” she said with a small grin.
“Fuck yeah, it was,” I replied, squeezing her foot through the blankets. “We good?”
“We were never going to last forever,” she said. “That’s not what this was.”
I nodded and got awkwardly to my feet. As I rounded the couch, I let my hand rest on her head for a second.
“I’ll steer clear of the club,” she said, scooting farther into her cocoon of blankets. “I’m guessing me showing up there would cause problems for you.”
“Appreciate it,” I replied, sliding my hand off her tangled blonde hair as I moved toward the door.
I didn’t ask how she knew. She was friends with a lot of the old ladies and some of the brothers in the club, and even though we’d never talked about it, there was no way that she would have missed my relationship with Lily. It was clear to everyone, even when Lil and I hadn’t been talking. It was like an elephant in the room any time we were within fifty feet of each other.