Craving Hawk (The Aces' Sons 3)

I nodded.

“I know you probably won’t believe me, but I woulda never hurt you, baby.” He grimaced. “I scared ya. I know that. I was outta control and I fuckin’ scared ya. But I never woulda laid a hand on you in anger.”

“You were so mad,” I whispered, meeting his eyes.

“Wasn’t mad at you,” he replied, shaking his head. “I didn’t want you to tell my dad. Woulda done almost anything to stop ya, but I never would have hurt you. That was never an option for me.”

“You punched your brother in the throat trying to get to me,” I pointed out, clenching my hands into fists.

“When I found that tweaker on top of you,” he said quietly, “I completely lost my mind. They got me offa him, and pulled me inside, but none of ’em would tell me if you were okay. If you were hurt. Then you came in the room and you were so upset, sugar.” He shook his head and fidgeted, putting his pack of cigarettes into his pocket and then taking them out again. “I couldn’t take it. I was so out of it I didn’t realize I was the one upsettin’ you. I just saw you, shaking and crying, and Will wouldn’t let me near you.”

I searched his face, but there was no lie there. He was completely transparent, both mortified and ashamed, but not dishonest.

“I can’t live like that,” I whispered. “I’m sorry, Tommy, but I can’t do it.”

“No, I know that,” he said, looking down at his boots. “Would never expect ya to.”

“Did you—”

“I’m—”

We both spoke at the same time and then laughed awkwardly.

“You first,” I said.

“I’ve been seein’ a psychologist,” he said, trying and failing to seem nonchalant about it. “Been seein’ him since you left.”

“I’m glad,” I replied.

“I’m…it’s not a quick fix, you know?” he mumbled, tipping his head from side to side. “It fuckin’ sucks, and half the time I leave feelin’ worse than when I got there.”

“That sounds hard.”

“It is. It’s fuckin’ difficult.” He chuckled, making me smile. “But I think it’s workin’. I do. I’m sleepin’ a little better. Don’t feel like I’m comin’ out of my skin half the time.”

“I’m really happy for you,” I said softly, leaning against the doorway.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Thanks.”

My heart started to race as we stood there in silence. He was going to leave. We were going to run out of things to talk about and he was going to leave and then it would be over.

“The thing is—” his voice broke and he cleared his throat. “The thing is, I’m in love with you.”

I jerked my head back in surprise.

“Maybe that doesn’t make a difference,” he said softly, his eyes intent on mine. “But if it does, sugar, I swear to God I’ll make you happy.”

“Tommy,” I murmured, shaking my head in confusion.

“I’ve thought about you every day,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “It doesn’t matter what I’m doin’ or where I’m at. Sometimes I leave that shrink’s office thinkin’ I’ll never go back, but then I get my head on straight and go back anyway, ’cause I don’t want to be that guy that can’t get his shit together. The guy that scares his wife.”

My lips started to tremble as his voice grew rough.

“When I’m workin’ on the house, I’m always makin’ decisions based on what I think you’ll like, even though there’s a chance you’ll never see it. The holidays felt fuckin’ wrong without you there. I haven’t been able to sleep at the club, ’cause I can’t stand bein’ in that room without you. You’re the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I’m fallin’ asleep, every night, without fail.”

“We were together for a week,” I choked out, trying to control the way my breathing had grown shallow.

“And I’ve had six months to miss you,” he replied simply.

“I don’t even know—”

“Do you love me?” he asked, interrupting me. “If you don’t, I’ll go. I mean, I’ll cry myself to sleep at night, but I won’t bother you again.”

I let out a little snort as he glanced to the side, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. He was trying so hard to act like he wasn’t nervous, but I could see it. It was in the way he held his body and his facial expressions and inflections.

“I love you,” I said softly.

His breath left him in a rush and he swayed a little.

“But I don’t know how it could ever work.”

“We’ll make it work,” he said, reaching out slowly. I watched his hand as his fingers ran softly down my arm, and I let him lace his fingers with mine. “We don’t have to go back to how it was before.”