Her brow furrowed. ‘You have to. You can’t stop me resigning.’ His reaction seemed to spur her on. ‘There’s no way you can stop me. I’ve made plans. I’m transferring my shifts. I’ve enrolled at college to do interior design and Clio will give me shifts that suit. I’m moving on, Finlay. I’m not going to stay here and watch you walk about in a fog for the rest of your life.’
There were rosy spots on her cheeks. There was an edge of determination to her. He loved it. He loved everything about it.
He walked over and put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Grace, that’s the best thing I’ve heard this year. You will be a fantastic interior designer. You are a fantastic interior designer. I can’t think of anything more perfect for you. But you don’t need to leave here to do that.’
There was an almost startled expression on her face. ‘Yes. Yes, I do. I can’t be around you, Finlay. I won’t be around you.’
His heart twisted inside his chest. ‘Not even if I tell you that I love you? Not even if I tell you I’ve been a complete fool?’ He stopped to draw breath. ‘Grace, for the first time in years you’ve made me wake up and look around. I wasn’t paying attention to life—oh, I thought I was, but not really, not the way I should have.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. He wished he’d showered. He wished he’d changed out of the clothes he’d spent all night wearing on the roof. He put his hands on his hips. ‘It wasn’t just Drumegan Castle that I neglected. It was everything else too.’
‘What does that mean?’
He reached out for her hands. ‘It means everything, Grace. I think I have been ready to move on. The only person that hadn’t acknowledged that was me.’
She shook her head as he clutched her hands even tighter.
‘I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this any more. I’ve forgotten every rule of dating that I ever knew.’ He pressed one hand against his heart. ‘All I know is that ever since I met you, I’ve felt alive again. I’ve woken up and had something to look forward to. I’ll never forget Anna, but, for a few days there, I felt guilty because I’d hardly thought about her at all. My mind was just filled with you, Grace. Every time you smiled, every time you winked at me, every time you looked sad. The way you loved Christmas. When you shared with me about your grandmother. But I looked at you, and your capacity to love, and wondered if I could ever meet that. Ever fulfil that for you.’
Grace blinked and licked her red lips. Her gaze was steady. ‘What are you doing, Finlay? Where has this come from?’
He laughed and pointed to his head. ‘In here.’ Then his heart. ‘And in here. I spent most of last night sitting on the roof trying to get my head in order. You know, after a while, you start to think the Battersea Power Station lights should be purple.’
The edges of her lips curled upwards for a few seconds. ‘But I still want everything. I don’t want half a relationship. Anna’s gone, Finlay. But I’m not. I’m here. I won’t share. Not with anyone dead or alive.’
She was deadly serious. It was written all over her face and it just made his heart ache all the more for the pain he’d caused her. ‘I love you, Grace Ellis. How long does it officially take people to fall in love? Can it happen in a few hours, a few days, a few weeks? Because that’s what it feels like to me. I’m sorry for what I said in the helicopter. I’m sorry for what I suggested yesterday. I don’t want just to see you now and then. I want to see you every single day.’ He reached over and touched her cheek. ‘Every single day for the rest of my life.’
Her eyes were wet. He could see her struggle to swallow. ‘I don’t know, Finlay. I just don’t know. You hurt me.’
His hands were shaking by now. ‘I know. I’m sorry. I can’t promise that I’m good at all this. But what I can promise is that every day, for the rest of my life, I’ll try and show you how much I love you. How much you mean to me. Will you let me, Grace? Will you let me try?’
He pulled his hands back. He had to give her space. He had to respect her wishes. He’d already trampled all over her heart once.
She turned and looked out of the window, across the snow-dusted rooftops of London.
‘How long were you up on that roof?’
‘What?’
‘How long were you up on that roof?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m not sure. I went up to try and clear my head. It must have been the early hours. I was there until Frank found me this morning.’