He nodded.
“And was that okay?” Nothing had really happened between Tucker and me, but it would be a little awkward for a while since we did date for over a month. When I had lunch with his family, it definitely felt a little weird. I didn’t want to cause animosity between two brothers, the only person Deacon had besides me.
“Yes.” He turned back to me, his brown eyes a lighter color when they reflected the fire. “He wants us to be together. The day after you broke it off, he drove back up here and told me you didn’t…” He faltered for a moment, like saying the words out loud bothered him a bit. “Sleep with him…because of me.” His eyes remained on mine, as if he’d asked a question even though he posed it as a statement.
I hadn’t consciously thought about my decision when it happened. When Tucker was on top of me, I knew it wasn’t right. And it wouldn’t be a mistake I could just forget about. My actions would be permanent, a wedge between Deacon and me that I thought we might not be able to get past…someday. I didn’t realize how much I wanted him at the time, that the need was so biological, my mind wasn’t even fully aware of it. “It’s always been you, Deacon.” I didn’t have to hide the truth or minimize my feelings. I could just be honest. “When you mentioned Tucker was interested in me and said you didn’t care whether I dated him or not…it hurt. I’d never had any interest in Tucker but went out with him anyway…because I was sad.” They looked so much alike, and Tucker and I were more compatible, with his carefree attitude, his jokes, his line of work. But Deacon had always been the man I wanted.
He was quiet for a long time, like he was replaying the words in his head, dissecting them. “I never liked you dating him.”
I didn’t know when his feelings had started, or at least when he’d realized them. But I didn’t think they went back that far into the past. “Then why didn’t you say something?”
“Because if I wasn’t going to be with you, it was a dick move to stand in the way.” He turned back to the fire. “I told Tucker I wasn’t interested in a relationship—with anyone—and he seemed to really like you, so…”
My thumb brushed over his knuckles, feeling the large size of his palm.
“Tucker tried to talk me out of it a couple times…but I never listened.”
I watched him stare at the fire.
“After you were gone, I realized he was right. He always told me that my relationship with Valerie was toxic because she was the wrong person…and it would never be like that with you. He was right.” He turned back to me, his hand squeezing mine. “I just never imagined I could have someone like you, that I would ever meet a woman who would understand me. Never thought I’d meet a woman who didn’t want my wallet. Never thought I would meet a woman who would be so good to my son. I just…never thought I would meet someone who liked me for me…and no other reason.” His eyes stayed on my face, his brown eyes burning into mine.
“I never thought I would trust a man again…but I trust you.”
His body went still, his eyes softening.
“I know you would never hurt me, never be unfaithful to me, never lie to me. I loved my husband when we were together, but being with you makes me realize he never understood me…not the way you do. He was the wrong person…and you’re the right person.”
We lay in bed together, my leg over his hips, our faces close together on the same pillow. The sheets were to our waists, revealing his beautiful tanned skin, the shadows between his grooves of muscle.
Since we’d spent the afternoon in bed, both our bodies needed time to recuperate. I wore one of his shirts to bed, smelling like him, and I looked into his handsome face as I lay beside him, loving the scruff along his jaw.
His fingers slid under my shirt, touching the bare skin of my hip and stomach. His fingertips were callused and dry, like he used his hands all the time in the office, wearing thick gloves and constantly washing his hands.
But I loved it when he touched me anyway.
His eyes were on me, hardly blinking, examining me like there was nothing else he’d rather stare at. There was nothing else in the world he would rather be doing. When we’d come to the cabin, I’d expected him to pull out his laptop and paperwork for an hour or two, but it seemed as if he hadn’t even packed them. Work was the last thing on his mind. His brown eyes should have been ordinary, but with the way they sat in that masculine face, they were gorgeous. They fit his personality perfectly, the strong and silent type.