Shame Me Not

I was saved from having to respond when the teacher walked in and asked for everyone’s attention.

Thank God.

Somehow, I made it through the rest of my morning classes. We had seven in a day. Back in public schools, we only had four and they switched halfway through the year. So, the constant changing classes took some getting used to. It was a relief to walk into the cafeteria, until I saw everyone in groups at the round tables.

In class, I could focus on my work and not worry about whether I was going to fit in. But at lunch, I wouldn’t be able to ignore how alone I felt if I was forced to sit at a large round table by myself. My heart sped up at just the thought of it, and I’d only taken two steps into the cafeteria.

“Ana.”

My eyes scanned the crowd for whoever had shouted my name. They latched on to Kevin half standing above a chair with his arm up to get my attention. Seeing him in his button-up and tie caused my heart to flutter for a whole new reason.

I hadn’t seen him since the party, but it didn’t mean I hadn’t thought about him. The way his warm chocolate eyes watched me. The way his dark hair flopped over his eyes while we played video games, how he constantly pushed it back. Today, it was impeccably styled to stay back out of his face.

I made my way over to him and had the unusual thrill of looking up to see his face. I was tall for a girl, but he had to be over six feet and it made me feel delicate. Somehow, I managed to stop myself from rolling my eyes from my ridiculous thoughts, but nothing was going to stop the smile that curved my lips.

He had a face of a model. Perfectly proportioned with full lips, thick eyebrows, and sharp cheekbones. I didn’t dare scan his body any more than I had, not wanting to come off as a perv. But from what I remembered from his soccer pictures, he was lean and toned.

He smiled before turning to the rest of the group sitting at the table. “Hey guys, this is Ana. She’s my new neighbor.” The group was evenly made up of boys and girls, each of them greeting me with either a nod or small wave. “Sean, grab one of those chairs behind you. Let’s make some room.” Everyone began scooting closer just so I would be able to sit with them. I was beginning to see the control that Kevin had among his friends. No one batted an eye.

A thrill went through me at not having to sit alone and that Kevin was the one to make me feel so welcome. I just hoped no one got irritated at the fact that I was literally cramping their style. With ten people already seated around the table, it was a tight squeeze.

But no one seemed to care. Some of them went about eating their lunch and having conversations while others took the time to introduce themselves. Looking around the table, I couldn’t help but be intimidated by their confidence and good looks. Really. Every single person sitting there could’ve had a career in modeling.

“Hey, I’m Sean. I play soccer with Kevin.” Sean was the complete opposite in coloring to Kevin with blond hair and blue eyes. He was also built like the Incredible Hulk.

“Oh, cool. What position do you play?” I asked.

“Definitely not forward,” another one of the guys muttered under his breath. “You wouldn’t be able to run that long to save your life.”

“Oh, fuck off, Josh. Just because I have the build to crush your scrawny ass doesn’t mean you need to be a dick.” Everyone laughed, so I knew the barb was good-natured. “I’m the goalie,” Sean said, turning his attention back to me.

“Awesome,” I answered lamely.

“Hi, I’m Gwen.” A girl on the other side of Kevin reached a hand out. I looked over to see it was the same girl who offered me her lip gloss in English. I couldn’t help but notice the way her other hand moved to rest on top of Kevin’s possessively. “I’m Kevin’s girlfriend.”

I tried to ignore the pinch in my chest. Not once had Kevin mentioned a girlfriend in the time we’d hung out. But it’s not like it would’ve naturally come up in conversation. She was gorgeous, all perfect blond hair and big brown eyes. I hadn’t stood next to her yet, but sitting between Kevin and Sean, she looked tiny.

I swallowed the knot in my throat and stretched my hand out to shake hers. “I’m Ana. Nice to officially meet you.” I tried to come off as casual as possible, you know, hiding any hints that I was attracted to her boyfriend. That was a complication I did not need at my new school.