Shame Me Not

“Ana. Fuck.” He shoved the guy—yes guy—away and began zipping his pants.

Run. Leave. Go. My mind shouted at me to get the hell out of there, but my feet were rooted in place. The past months scrolled through my mind as I searched for hints that Sean had been cheating; that he was gay.

The guy leaned back and dragged the back of his hand across his lips, not looking at all upset at being caught. Bitch.

“Ana.” Sean’s sharp voice cut through the fog. “Say something.” I couldn’t. He ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck, Ana. It’s not what it looks like.” My eyebrows shot higher at that, because it was pretty damn clear what it looked like. “Okay, it is what it looks like. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I tried with you. I really did, but I just couldn’t, and I didn’t want you to find out. I didn’t want anyone to find out,” he rambled. “Please don’t tell anyone. Please.” He moved toward me and that kicked me into gear.

I turned and shoved at the door only to find it locked. The fact that my escape was blocked was the final straw, and the tears began to burn the backs of my eyes. I needed to get out before I crumbled. He stood a foot away when I turned, his hands extended in a pleading gesture.

“Fuck you, Sean!” I slapped him and took the moment of his shock to run down the stairs, praying to find an unlocked door.

The bottom door gave way when I pushed and the cool night air washed over me, chilling against my wet cheeks, and I took my first deep breath since having my insides ripped out. Thankfully, I’d brought my purse to the bathroom and had everything with me. I called a cab and was blessed with a silent driver, not the least bit interested in my quiet sobs.

My mom’s car was in the driveway, but it was late and she would most likely be in bed. I couldn’t handle an interrogation, so I snuck up to my room and curled into a ball on my bed, finally letting the reality of it all sink in and carry me away in a sea of misery.

Sean was gay. And he’d used me as a cover up. He’d cheated on me. It was too much. The fact that he was gay was irrelevant. He’d cheated, and that hurt more than anything. He’d used me. I’d cared for him, and he’d used me.

Like it was on repeat, the thought battered my already beaten heart and rang around my head until I cried myself to sleep.

Hands brushed my forehead and I rolled my face into the calloused tips. As the fog cleared, the night came rushing back, and I jerked up, hoping it wasn’t Sean or some burglar.

“Shhh. It’s me,” Kevin whispered. I stared up at him wide-eyed trying to process what the hell was happening. How had he gotten there? What time was it? Looking over at the clock I saw eleven fifty-five glowing back at me. “I came as soon as I found out you left.”

He sat on the edge of my bed and my tense shoulders sagged, letting the sorrow seep in again.

“Ana . . .” His soft tone broke any resistance I’d had against falling apart. My shoulders shook from the sobs, and he pulled me into his chest, doing his best to hold me together as I crumbled. “I’m so sorry, A. So sorry.”

I didn’t know how long we sat there, but when I pulled back, his shirt had a sizeable wet patch. I wiped my eyes and left my head resting on his broad shoulder as he rocked us back and forth.

“I didn’t even get to have a slow dance.” I didn’t know why that was the first thing I thought of, but it was. Maybe because it was the safest thing to say, and the absurdity of how stupid it was made me laugh. Kevin laughed hesitantly, probably expecting me to burst into tears again.

He dropped a kiss to the crown of my head. “Hold on.” Standing, he looked around my room. The lights were still out, but my desk and floor were illuminated by the full moon shining in the open curtains. He grabbed my iPod and headphones from the desk and turned to me. “Your mom in her bedroom?”

“Yeah, probably.”

He scrolled through my iPod, pressed a few buttons, and then held out his hand. “May I have this dance?”

Confusion contorted my face. “What?”

Snagging my hand, he pulled me from the bed and held the headphones up before placing one in his ear and the other in mine. He clicked another button and Secondhand Serenade’s Fall For You came through. Kevin lifted my hands around his neck and stepped closer, resting his on my lower back.