Shame Me Not

“Hmmm.” He smirked in my direction. “Someone about five-seven, with blond hair and grayish-blue eyes who likes Friends re-runs.”

I shoved him with my foot and laughed. “Other than me, goof. Like what kind of person do you see yourself with? What kind of future?”

“I don’t know. I’ve always seen myself getting married and having a normal life. You know, kids, white picket fence.”

Normal. There was that word again. Grabbing my glass, I took a long pull of my wine and cradled it in my lap, getting more brave and curious with my questions. What did his normal look like? “What’s your dream wife like? Other than me, of course.”

“I don’t know. You’re a hard one to top.” He winked. “But if I had to choose—other than you—I guess the word I’d use is . . . a lady. An example for my kids. Someone who loved me.” My chest pinched when he said a lady. I couldn’t help but remember my previous boyfriend and how he told me how much of a lady I wasn’t. “My family does a lot with charity, brunches at our club, that sort of thing. So typical of rich people, I guess.” Given the way he rolled his eyes, I knew he was joking. “But someone who could be part of that, be active in that role.”

What he described sounded easy and simple, but it was hard to imagine myself there. Taking charge of something didn’t make me think of myself. I remembered my mom’s calendar filled with social events and all she had to focus on while being the perfect Stepford wife. I’d never pictured myself in that role. However, listening to him describe that woman—that life—made me want to. I should’ve wanted that.

“What about you? How do you see your future?”

My mind jumped to Kevin, and I remembered the way his hand cracked against my ass, the way his words vibrated through my body, controlling me. I wanted someone to make decisions for me. Someone to own me and set my body on fire with passion. I barely contained a giggle trying to bubble out from between my lips, imagining saying that out loud. I’d done that once, and I sure as hell would never do it again.

I settled on, “Someone who loves me.”

Andrew nodded, seeming impressed with my answer. Done with the conversation for the night, I emptied my glass and moved off the couch. “I should get going. It’s late.”

He walked me to the door and helped me into my jacket. That time when he wrapped his arms around me, it was to prepare me for his kiss. I saw it coming as his hands rested on my hips, and he lowered his head slow enough for me to pull away. I didn’t. I let his lips brush against mine, let him take his time increasing the pressure. When his tongue brushed against my lips, I allowed him entry. Our tongues touched and his moan vibrated against me.

A small spark ignited, and I tried to focus on it, but it faded too quickly for me to hold on to. Instead, there was just contentment and I didn’t care whether I stayed or went. Andrew was a good guy. Why couldn’t I feel more for him?

He pulled back with one last peck and walked me out. “I’ll see you soon.”

A short time later, when I walked up the stoop of my apartment, I noticed a bag sitting in front of my door. Excited and confused about what it could be, I took it inside and tore open the note.

My Ana,

I know today was hard and you won’t do this for yourself. I left a bottle of wine—Moscato, because it’s your favorite—and vanilla bath salts because I love that smell on your skin. Take care of yourself. Pour yourself a glass of wine and take a long, hot bath.

Kevin

Biting my bottom lip, I couldn’t hold back my smile. He knew me so well. Just seeing the physical proof of that sent a riot of butterflies through my chest. Not wanting to wait a second, I uncorked my wine and grabbed a glass, heading to the bathroom.

Once I settled into the warm water, I took my first sip of wine just as my phone vibrated on the stool next to me.

Kevin: Send pics so I know you followed my orders.

Kevin: Nudity optional. ;)

I laughed and heat crept into my cheeks at his last comment. What would Kevin do if I sent him a picture of my breasts? Probably come kick down my door. The thought thrilled me and my heart stuttered in excitement just imagining it.

Tempting, but I wasn’t ready for that. Still, I decided to push his buttons. Holding the camera up, I snapped a pic of my lips and top curves of my breasts, the rest hidden under the cloudy water.