He disappeared through the door and my whole body tingled. Rage bubbled below the surface as I processed that she’d spent the weekend with another guy. Shock that she’d lied to me froze me, making it hard to feel the extent of my anger.
“Well, guys, it was good to see you, but I have to head to the library to study.” Ana began excusing herself, not meeting my eyes. “I’ll see you later.” She slipped her jacket back on and grabbed her bag. I stared, slack-jawed, as she made her exit.
The chime of the bell with the opening door zapped me out of my haze and my muscles had me moving before I’d made a decision to go after her. I caught up to her just around the corner of the building, and I grabbed her wrist. Ana yelped when I jerked her to a stop and stared at me with wide shocked eyes.
“What the hell, Kevin?”
“Did you sleep with him?” I growled.
Her lower jaw snapped shut and she narrowed her eyes at me. I didn’t care. My shock faded and only left the boiling rage that heated my skin at the thought of him touching her—fucking her.
“That’s none of your business.”
I knew that. It didn’t matter, because I needed to know or I would lose my shit.
“Did. You. Sleep. With him?”
She stared me down, her nostrils flaring around her irritated breaths, and I began to fear her answer, she made me wait so long.
“No.” She ground the word out through her clenched jaw.
Relief like I’d never known before swamped my body, and I loosened my grip on her wrist. She took advantage and twisted her arm free. I let her storm off, knowing I was acting like a dick of epic proportions. Uncontrollable jealousy raged through me.
The more time I spent with Ana as we struggled through our desires together, I felt like I lost a little more control. For someone who prided himself on his control, for someone who desired to always have it, it scared the living shit out of me to be losing it.
Chapter Forty
Ana
“We finished calculus. Let’s celebrate.”
Kevin standing in my doorway with yellow roses and a lemon cupcake made my heart skip a beat, followed by a heaviness I couldn’t hide from much longer.
I rubbed at my forehead, fighting off the headache from finals week. “I’m not in the mood, Kevin. I have three more exams this week and a paper.”
A heat spread between my legs at the thought of celebrating with Kevin, negating my lie of not being in the mood. I was stressed and I was tired, but Kevin always made me feel lighter.
I missed being with him.
We hadn’t been sexual with each other since spring break almost a month ago. My weekend with Andrew had left me more confused than ever, and I knew I couldn’t keep putting him off. It was as though the last three weeks of school were a countdown and time closed in on me, forcing me to make a decision about where I wanted my future to go.
The hard truth was that I didn’t trust myself around Kevin. I’d needed to give myself space to think without the feel of his hands and lips all over my body coaxing me to submit.
“What’s going on, Ana? You’ve been avoiding me since spring break. The sparse lunches and short messages back and forth aren’t enough. I miss you.” Kevin stepped into my apartment and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning down to bite my neck. I shamefully leaned back to give him access. His tongue flicked out to soothe the pinch of his teeth and I forced myself to step back out of his arms.
The door clicked shut, and I kept my eyes glued to my feet. My heart raced a thousand miles a minute. I needed to come clean. I needed to end this. I needed to make my decision. It all hammered down on me. My racing heart pounded in my chest and I struggled to breathe.
“I can’t . . . I can’t do this anymore, Kevin.” The words barely escaped my lips before tears burned the backs of my eyes.
“Can’t do what?”
“Us,” I admitted, my hands waving between us. “The sex. I don’t know how to stop being with you, so I took the chicken way out. Avoidance.”
His head cocked to the side. “What do you mean?”
Closing my eyes, a tear leaked down my cheek. “I want to be normal, Kevin. I don’t want to explain away bruises and scrapes. I’ve been saying it all semester and now I want to do it. I can’t keep giving in. I need to give normal a chance.”
“Andrew,” Kevin growled, his jaw clenching.
“I have to try,” I whispered.
He paced back to the door. A piece in my chest broke off wondering how long it would be until I saw him again if he walked out that door. Before I could crumble, he turned and came back, his hand rubbing down his face. He stopped only a foot away and his chest heaved as though he had just sprinted a mile.