Shame Me Not

“For someone getting coffee nude, you’re acting awfully shy.”

“I set the timer last night and thought I could grab two cups before you woke up.”

“Well, I appreciate the presentation.”

She settled back against the pillow with her cup and the sheet tucked under her arms. Taking a drink, I continued staring. She was still the same girl who I’d always known. No—a woman. Her face more angled, her curves a little more relaxed, like she’d finally settled into her body and felt comfortable with it. However, I still recognized the aura of insecurity about who she was. In the moment she acted on instinct, but the aftermath left her unsure, and I saw it in her scrunched shoulders and the way she bit her lips.

But I knew, even after four years, that she was still my Ana. I didn’t think any amount of time would’ve changed that.

“What?” she asked when she noticed my stare. “Do you want me to roll over so you can use my ass as a coffee table,” she said, deadpan, referring to the last time we had coffee in bed. She was joking, but I knew she would have done as I asked if I wanted it.

“No, I prefer this view for now,” I said, reaching out to pinch her nipple through the sheet. She gasped, jerking back as I smirked at the blush spreading up her chest. “How are you still single after all this time?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

Chuckling, I turned to set my coffee cup down on her nightstand. “See, I have this particular taste and haven’t found a woman willing to fit and accept it.” We both knew it was a dig at how she had left me, unwilling to accept what we both knew we wanted.

So what? I was still a little bitter.

“Hmmm.” She glared over the rim of the coffee cup while she took one last sip. “I guess I’ve been a little busy over the past year,” Ana answered my original question.

“And before then? Andrew?”

She slid down the bed until she lay flat on her back, staring up at the fan moving in slow circles. I turned to my side to face her, waiting her out. She’d always needed a moment to process her words before talking.

“It was harder than I thought being normal, and I’ve had a hard time accepting that. I haven’t been ready to try again.”

I figured it would’ve happened, having tried to ignore that part of myself before, but Ana had needed to figure it out on her own. It looked like she still struggled with it.

“What happened with Andrew?” I almost regretted asking when she let out a heavy sigh that sounded both tired and sad.

“We both tried. He worked so hard to make me happy. And I was—sort of,” she added, turning to meet my eyes. “He was a good man, but I wasn’t ever fulfilled—complete—and he deserved a woman who didn’t keep a part of herself hidden from him.”

“You deserve a man you don’t have to hide from,” I clarified.

I only received a sad smile in return. She had no idea how much she deserved.

“I have to start going through the house,” she changed the subject.

“What do you plan on doing with it?”

“Selling it,” she choked out, tears forming in her eyes. Shit. I knew what this house meant to her. It held the memories of her mom for the last ten years. Hell, it held a lot of memories for me over the past ten years. What would happen when it sold? Would she come back? Would I have a reason to see her anymore? I couldn’t ask those questions yet. The possibility hurt too much.

“Are you staying here to do it?”

“Yeah. About six months ago my lease was up and I decided to move back home to help with Mom. I moved a lot of stuff to storage and brought the rest here with me.”

“And you’re staying here all alone?”

“Yeah.” I could hear how much she was dreading it in the low pain-filled whisper. “My dad and Shayla got a hotel and offered to let me stay with them, but that was a hard no. I’ve honestly thought about getting a hotel myself. Just so I’m not sitting here alone in my misery.”

“What if I stayed with you?” The idea came out of my mouth as soon as it formed. Her wide eyes shot to mine and she let out a small laugh.

“You don’t need to do that. And honestly, I’ve been struggling to sleep and wouldn’t mind being away from here a bit. It will be hard enough to go through everything all day and then sit amongst it all night. I could use some distance.”

Another idea formed in my head, and I let it roll around this time. I wanted to think of all the possible outs for her and plan a counterattack. The idea was a crazy one, but I figured I had nothing to lose and everything to win.