“I agree. You’re amazing and deserve to be with a guy who appreciates you. Unfortunately, my brother doesn’t fit the bill. I was hoping you guys would work out since you make him so happy…but I guess that’s not going to happen.”
That meant I would have to go out, meet new people, and start over. But I suspected I wouldn’t find a man I connected with so well. With Slate, I felt so safe, like nothing could ever hurt me.
Well, except Slate himself.
“I need to move on too. I’m not too excited about it, but I’ve got to put myself out there.”
“I figured you would be excited to get laid.”
He shook his head. “I used to be all about that before Simone, but after I was in a monogamous relationship, I realized how much I liked it. I like being with one person. People say the sex grows stale, but I disagree. You learn what the other person likes, and you grow.”
I smiled. “That’s kinda sweet.”
He shrugged. “I guess I’m a romantic guy. Well, I was…until my wife stabbed me in the back. But I’m sure there’s a better woman out there. At least I didn’t waste another five years before I realized what Simone really was. I’m not going to let her ruin my life the way she ruined Slate’s.”
“Good. Too bad Slate doesn’t see it that way.”
“You want to head to the bars with me tomorrow?” he asked. “I can be your wingman, and you can be mine.”
“The bar scene…I’ve never done that before.” I didn’t get out much before I met Slate. I was a virgin for so long for a reason.
“Just put on a black cocktail dress and look pretty. They’ll come to you.”
“And what do I say?”
“Talk to them if you think they’re cute. Blow them off if you don’t. Pretty simple.”
“I don’t know…seems like it’s too soon.” I gripped the bottle in my hands and remembered the nights when it was just the two of us, moving together under the sheets. That’s what I wanted more than anything, to be back with the man I adored.
“You told him you weren’t going to wait around,” he reminded me. “You told him you were going to look for the right guy. You gave him everything, and he was the one who teased you.”
“Yes…”
“So, go out. Meet someone. Maybe you’ll meet someone you really like. Maybe you won’t. Doesn’t hurt to try.”
“Yeah…maybe.” I sat at the bar the first time we broke up, and Wyatt appeared out of thin air. We struck up a conversation and hit it off pretty quickly. I could call him again, but that seemed strange contacting him when Slate dumped me the second time. Made me seem a little desperate. “So, he was pissed when you told him you wanted to ask me out?”
“Livid.”
“But that wasn’t enough?”
He shrugged. “I guess not. Maybe if he thinks you’re seeing someone else and he can’t stop it, that’ll get his ass in gear.”
I didn’t want to play games. I didn’t want him to come back to me only because he was jealous. I wanted him to come back to me because he realized he didn’t want to live without me for another day. I wanted to be the woman he wanted for the rest of his life. I wanted to be something more to him than just a transaction.
I wanted to be his everything.
But if that hadn’t happened by now, it was never going to happen.
15
Slate
I felt so many things at once.
Rage. Blood lust. Murder.
But I also felt pain, sadness, and despair.
I felt everything at every single moment of the day. It didn’t matter if I were at home or at the office. It didn’t matter if I were in the shower or in bed. The regret was constant. She ordered me out of her life like she couldn’t stand me any longer, like I was the sole cause of all her pain.
I was the reason for her tears.
On top of that, I was pissed at my brother. Even if nothing was going on between them, I didn’t like knowing they were together behind closed doors. I didn’t like their deep conversations into the night. I told Coen I would never give my blessing for him to be with Monroe, and I hoped he would take that request seriously.
I’d die if I had to see them together.
Coen and I didn’t talk for days, and when we did see each other, we ignored the bruises all over his face. It took a few days for his right eye to stop looking so black. His nose healed quicker and went back to normal, but it was still obvious he was in a fight. But we didn’t actually speak to each other.
I was pissed at him. He was pissed at me.