When I see the picture, my mouth goes dry. Ari is spinning Davis in a circle on the beach and they both are smiling widely. The caption reads:
This is Sophie; we’re having a great time. Thanks for the house for the day. Ari will kill me when she figures out I sent this.
Ari looks amazing in her bright blue bikini and I have to turn away to adjust my pants.
“Is that him? Is that my grandson?” Mom’s words break through my thoughts.
“Yeah, Mom, but it’s both of them.”
“Well, let me see!”
I show her the pic and her eyes fill with tears again. “He’s you. He’s so you with her smile. God, he’s beautiful.”
“I know, Mom, but now’s not the ti—”
“Hush! Leave this phone with me and go see your sister. She needs you and I need this. I promise not to embarrass you.”
I open my mouth to argue, but honestly, it’s not worth it.
Cara’s tiny body lies under a thin sheet and she appears to be sleeping when I open the door. Her wrist is set in a soft cast laying across her stomach.
Sitting silently in the chair against the wall, I stare at her, my heart hurting for the pain she is in right now. Her wrist is the least of my worries. Bones heal, hell I have enough breaks to prove that. But her heart is so fragile. My little sister has always needed attention and love. When we lost my dad, she was barely thirteen and didn’t understand the devastation my mom and I went through. We tried to shield her, but eventually she saw through us and took our pain on top of hers.
When she hit high school, she became rebellious and started hanging with the wrong crowd. I was a senior but tried my best to watch out for her. Her attitude became unbearable and I was actually relieved when I went to FSU. I tried to let her find her own way but be firm too. We fought all the time, but finally made amends my senior year when she decided she wanted to transfer.
During the time I thought Ari left me, she was my rock. She wanted to go after her, but I stopped her. The whole week she stayed with me, it was like old times. Her attitude was okay even thought that fuckhead Mitch had just broken her heart. We went out a few times, but mostly we hung by ourselves and I showed her around campus. My dream of her and Ari being friends was gone, but I still introduced her to some people I thought may be a good influence.
Things have been good the last few years. I don’t see her as much as I like, but we’re busy. She has yet to find a career position, changing her mind about her goals every six months. But she seemed level headed and on the right track so I didn’t push. This miscarriage has the chance to put her back into the dark place she was in while in high school. Cara is not a strong woman. She is shy and constantly seeking acceptance and reassurance.
My mind wonders to Ari and how much she could teach my baby sister. They are close in age but yet so different in maturity. There is no doubt that I want Ari in my life forever. Not as the mother of my child, but as the woman who owns me. I need to get Cara and her together soon, even if Cara is in a delicate place.
“Reed?”
Jumping up, I shake out of my trance. “Hey, Care Bear, how are you doing?”
Her lips start to tremble and tears spill out of her eyes. Her small body starts to shake with sobs and I move to hold her. She cries against my chest unashamed and I rub my free hand down her arm trying to sooth her. Eventually she starts to hiccup and her chest calms down.
I grab the box of tissue from the food tray and get her a glass of water.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“How did I not know? I was carrying a baby. A human life! What the fuck is wrong with me?” She starts to get hysterical again.
“Sweetie, I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine how you feel right now, but it will get better.”
“I feel empty, Reed, empty. I know that sounds ridiculous since I didn’t know I was even pregnant.”
“Honey, I may sound like an asshole, but do you want to let the father of the baby know.”
Her eyes grow wide and fill with tears again. Then she nods her head. “Yeah, he needs to know. It won’t do much good now, but I owe him that. He was a nice guy.”
“Maybe it’s time you do nice and let the losers go. You deserve happiness.”