I didn’t feel anything at all.
At the time, I thought that was the most passionate relationship of my life, the kind of relationship that would make you feel alive when nothing else did. I thought it would be a good memory someday, a source of heat when the rest of my life turned cold. But now it was just a big fucking mistake.
Fuck him.
I felt so stupid for my actions, felt so stupid for ever feeling anything toward him. I’d loved him at one point, but that was under different circumstances. If those circumstances changed, how could I still love him?
I couldn’t.
History had been rewritten, and now so had my feelings.
A week had passed since our conclusion, and he’d done as I asked. He didn’t try to contact me, didn’t show up at my apartment, didn’t do any of that obnoxious stuff…thank god. If he showed his face, I might actually shoot him.
I did have a gun—the one he gave me.
A knock sounded on my door.
I turned at the sound, slightly dreading the person on the other side. I set down my glass of wine and walked to the front door. I looked through the peephole and saw my brother on the other side.
I unlocked all the bolts and opened the door. “Hey.” I hadn’t seen him since that conversation in his bedroom. I knew it would be awkward the first time we saw each other, so I tried to push past it.
He held up a bottle of wine. “I saw Conway Barsetti today. He gifted this to me, but I thought you would enjoy it more.”
I grabbed it by the neck and looked at the year. “Wow, it’s like thirty years old.”
“The harvest of his birth year. His father bottled a bunch of it and keeps it in his cellar.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Yeah. I knew you’d appreciate it.”
“I’m not sure I can open it now.” I clutched it to my chest. “I’ll have to save it for a special occasion or something.”
He shrugged. “Being alive is a special occasion, isn’t it?”
I walked to the kitchen and placed it in the pantry. “I’ll save it for my wedding or something…” I selected a different bottle, something less fancy, and grabbed two glasses. “You want some?”
“Sure. But next time, I’ll get you something you’ll actually enjoy.” He approached the kitchen and took the glass from me.
“It’s very thoughtful, Damien. Thank you.” I took a drink, letting the fruity taste of the berries drown my tongue. I licked my lips and looked at the bottle before I looked at him again. “So, what brings you here?”
“Just wanted to see you.”
“We both know you never want to see me,” I teased.
He drank from his glass and continued to look at me. “How are you?”
“I’m fine,” I said quickly.
He stared at me like that answer wasn’t good enough.
“I confronted him right after we spoke. It’s over.” The rest of the details didn’t matter. He was gone for good.
“Has he bothered you?”
I shook my head. “I told him not to.”
Damien nodded slightly. “Sounds like a clean break.”
“I guess.” I swirled the wine in my glass.
My brother watched me for a while, being soft rather than cruel. Last time we spoke, he was so angry with me. But the distance over the last week seemed to calm him down. “You’re doing better than I expected you to be.”
I shrugged. “When you first told me, that was the hardest part. That was the most painful part. But once that passed, everything died inside me. I didn’t see him the same anymore, and when I confronted him, that was exactly how I felt. It’s like…I stopped feeling everything.”
He stared at his glass of wine as he listened.
“He said being with me wasn’t a ploy to stick it to you. He just didn’t tell me because he knew I would leave him once I knew.”
He took a drink, his eyes still down.
“So, that was it.”
He raised his head to look at me. “I’m sorry I was so harsh with you. I know that you didn’t do any of this on purpose, that he misled you, and that it doesn’t mean you’re stupid.” My protective brother was back, looking at me like his little sister again. “Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
I inhaled a deep breath. “It’s hard not to…”
“Don’t.”
“I feel so stupid for calling him. If I hadn’t, you would have killed him…and he should be dead right now.” Losing my mother when she was so young was already difficult enough. The idea of losing my father in an even more brutal way…disturbed me. Heath almost took away the first man I’d ever loved…and I let him touch me.
“He’ll be dead soon enough.” He watched my reaction to his words.
But I had no reaction. “Did he hurt Dad?”
“No. When I got there, Dad didn’t understand the severity of the situation. You know how he is, thinks everything’s a joke. So, I doubt they did anything more than grab him by the arm.”