God, I felt like shit.
“You have to be patient…and wait.”
That meant she would sleep with other men. I’d sleep with other women. I’d have to live a numb existence until I could get her back, to finally come back to life and feel emotion once again. “I really don’t want to do that.”
“I know, Heath. But that’s how it has to be. You knew this would happen.”
“Yes,” I snapped. “But I never expected…” I rubbed my hand across my chest. “I never expected it to hurt this fucking bad, to feel so goddamn lost, to feel like…I’ll never be happy again.” I dropped my hand.
Balto was quiet for a while, taking a deep breath like that description was painful.
“And now Damien is coming for me. I don’t know what to do about that.”
“Wasn’t he always coming for you?”
“Yeah, but now that I hurt his sister, I know it could happen any minute. And now, I can’t kill him. I can’t hurt him. I can’t do anything. It’s like fighting with both hands pinned behind my back. He’s not going to go away.”
Balto sighed quietly.
“If I kill him, she really will never forgive me.”
“So, no matter what, you lose.”
“Yeah…” If he killed me, I’d lose Catalina forever. If I killed him, I’d lose her forever. The outcome was the same no matter what I did, unless I really did take her advice and flee the country. But I wasn’t going to do that.
“You could hire someone else to do it.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then you could buy him off.”
“There’s no amount of money that will change his mind.”
“Then give him something else he wants.”
I couldn’t think of anything.
“He doesn’t want to pay you, right?”
“I already released him from the obligation.”
“Alright, then give him his independence.”
My mind started to consider the idea, to wonder if that would be enough to change his mind. “And if he said yes, then what?”
He shrugged. “Buys you some time…”
I turned the corner and walked down the hallway, my fingers wrapped around the green stems of the sunflowers I’d just picked hours ago. Tied with a single black ribbon, they were together in my grasp, smelling like her hair, bright like her smell.
I stopped in front of her door, feeling the connection with her grow stronger in my chest just from being near her. My eyes moved to the crack under the door, seeing the shifting blue light from the TV in the living room. She probably sat on the couch, drinking a bottle of wine by herself, skipping dinner because I wasn’t there to encourage her to eat.
I closed my eyes and felt the pain worsen, felt our separation strangle me like a noose at the end of a rope. I didn’t make a sound as I stood there, opening my eyes and staring at the bright yellow petals that infused the hallway with sunshine. I knew she would throw them in the trash the second she spotted them. It wouldn’t make her reflect on our time together, the way we loved each other in a way that most people never got to experience. But I wanted her to know I still thought about her, that I was still here, that I still missed her…
That I still loved her.
I placed the flowers on her doorstep then pressed my palm against the door, just so I could be as close to her as possible. My forehead rested against the metal, and I stood there for a while, listening to the faint sound of the TV in the background.
I finally turned away.
Then I heard the TV turn off…and the sound of her footsteps.
Fuck, she’d heard me.
I rushed down the hallway, striding quickly without making noise. I rounded the corner just when I heard the locks turn.
There was a mirror on the wall that reflected the hallway leading to her door, so I could -watch her from my spot around the corner. She might be able to see me if she looked hard enough, but the mirror was at least twenty-five feet away, so it was unlikely.
Then I saw her.
I watched her open the door and stare down the hallway, as if she expected to see my back as I walked away. She was in her pink pajama shorts, wearing a black camisole, her hair pulled over one shoulder. There was no makeup on her face, nothing but her natural olive skin and full lips.
And she was so fucking beautiful.
So beautiful it hurt.
Coming here was a bad idea because it only made me feel worse, made me want her more.
She looked down and spotted the sunflowers. There was a slight flinch, like the sight of her favorite flowers did bring a subtle softness to her eyes because it was an involuntary reaction. She bent down and grabbed them, but she didn’t bring them close to her face to smell them.