My body acted in reflex, opening my arms, and she rushed into them. “I’m so sorry,” she said over and over again.
Now she’s in my arms, and I am watching the car drive away from me. Listening to her tell me she loves me, I remember the times I’ve been back from deployment when families would meet their soldiers. The tears from both the soldiers and their families usually echo in the big empty room. I would come back and walk right past them to a waiting car.
My head shut off, and my body shut off. I would make my way to my cabin in the woods that I bought and fixed up during the year. It was a shack when I got it—no water, no electricity, nothing—but I fixed it up every single chance I got, and now at least it has the basic necessities.
“You’re home,” my mother says, pulling out of my arms and putting her hands on my face. “You’re home.”
I don’t answer her. I don’t say anything because, to be honest, I have no idea what to say. Am I home? I don’t even know what home is. “You look so good,” she says, her whole face lighting up, and then she turns to Beau. “Look at him.”
“I see him,” Beau says with his hands on his hips. He doesn’t take his eyes off me, his own tears in his eyes. Chelsea joins him, and he puts his arm around her shoulder as she glares at me. The door opens, and Keith comes out with Toby behind him.
“Is that Ethan?” Keith says my name more of a question. Meanwhile, Toby just walks to Chelsea and grabs her hand.
“Look, guys,” my mother says. “Your brother is home.”
“Great,” Keith says, then looks at Beau. “Can I go to Billy’s?”
“Yeah.” He nods, and Keith doesn’t say anything to me, which surprises my mother. I see the anger in his eyes; it’s the same anger I’ve seen before many times when I looked at myself in the mirror. Whereas Toby’s eyes are just confused.
“But your brother is here,” my mother says, and I finally speak up.
“It’s fine,” I say, shaking my head. “I am not going to stay long anyway.” Her face falls, and Beau must sense it because he moves forward and puts his hands on her arms. “I just got into town, and I have to check out the place I’m going to stay at.”
“What?” she whispers. “You are going to stay here.” Her thumb motions to the house. “Your room is exactly the same,” she tells me, and I’m shocked that she kept my room. I mean, I wasn’t exactly living at home when I left, but I did have my bed and some clothes there. I would have thought that Chelsea would have taken the room since it was bigger than hers. “We didn’t touch anything in it.”
I’m about to say something to her when I hear a car pull up, and it stops suddenly. The passenger door opens, and Kallie comes out of the car. Her mouth hangs open, and then the tears come. She leaves the door open as she walks to me. “Oh my god,” she says, wrapping her arms around my waist, not giving me the chance. “I can’t believe this. I thought they were lying.” I hug her with one hand while I look over at the car and see my father get out. Tears fill his eyes but also so much more.
Maybe this was a bad idea, I think to myself. Maybe coming here wasn’t the right thing to do. I should have just gone to my cabin and waited for my next orders. I have no idea what to say to my father, so I just go with the basic, “Hey.” He just nods at me and stands there with his hands on his hips very much the same as Beau. His look is closed off, and I know it has to do with him being a sheriff and hiding his feelings, but he was the best father you could have asked for, and not once did I ever feel not loved by him.
“Oh my god, you got so big,” Kallie says, and I look down at her. She left town when my mother was pregnant with me, thinking my father had cheated on her. Coming back when I was eight, she and my father couldn’t fight their pull to each other, and as soon as they ironed things out, she was all in. She came into the house and not once did she not take care of me. Not once did I feel she had any resentment toward me. Not even one time. “Look at how big he is, Jacob.” She looks back at him, and all he can do is stand there.