Tensions had eased considerably for my parents when I explained I had returned to my own space at the dorm, and Luka had made it clear he was committed to me. We were in love, and my mother was thrilled. She’d beamed at Luka from across the table and winked at me when he wasn’t looking.
After dinner, he’d turned down my father’s offer to come in, and I stayed in the front seat of his car, waiting wordlessly for my parents to go inside.
“Come home,” Luka said when we were alone. It tore at my heart, but I still wasn’t ready. I needed to know he would let me stand on my own, and I had to have my independence back.
I spoke softly. “I will.”
“When?” he demanded. “How much longer are you going to need?” Irritation tinged his voice.
“I don’t know.”
He exhaled loudly, and his hands rested on the steering wheel. “I fucking hate this.” He turned to look at me, and his expression was hard. “The house is empty and I can’t sleep at night.”
Hearing those words made me weak. Sleeping in my tiny bed with Avery nearby instead of him was the hardest part about the decision I’d made. I both liked and hated that he had the same trouble with it.
“I know, I’m sorry.” I put my hand on his leg, leaned over, and rested my ear against his shoulder. “Let me get through spring break and maybe I’ll be ready.”
“Or maybe I’ll drag you back to my house right now and never let you leave again.”
The reminder of what he’d done made me go cold. I straightened away from him and grabbed my purse.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “Stop. I don’t want to leave like this.” Luka leaned over and threaded his hand through my hair, holding me into his kiss. “I’m trying, okay? I’ll give you whatever you need, but what you want is . . . difficult. I miss you.”
Every second I remained in this car was more dangerous than the previous one. I wavered horribly. I loved him and wanted to be with him, but then there was also the desire to be free, and to make him repent for what he’d done. I wasn’t holding us apart to be cruel or punish, but he needed to learn to give in to my demands, too.
I wanted a partner, not a master.
“Why’d you do it?” I whispered.
“What?”
“Our first time.” My voice was thick with emotion. “Why didn’t you stop?”
His face contorted as he tried to assemble an answer. “I’d been thinking about you a lot recently, right before the party. So when you showed up, I don’t know, I thought it was fate. And when you told me you hadn’t been with anyone before, I told myself you’d been waiting for me.” He sighed. “I know that’s stupid. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight. I’m . . . sorry, Addison, about how I brought us together.” His voice was soft. “I wish I’d done it differently.” Luka paused, and then his expression went warm. “But I’m not sorry about us being together.”
I kissed him with total abandon, and had to stop myself from climbing over the seat into his lap. I missed him, too. His mouth, his touch, the way he made me feel. My eyes were damp with tears when I scurried from his car and into my parents’ house.
Every time I said goodbye, I wondered if it would be the last time I’d have to do it. The wall I’d placed between us was on the verge of breaking, and one more push would send it tumbling down.
π
I’d been back at school after the break three days before I’d decided I had to go back to him. I was sitting in my physics lecture, unable to focus on what the professor was teaching when I finally came to peace with it. His family was deep in organized crime and I wasn’t sure if he could escape, but I knew I couldn’t run from my feelings anymore.
I’d go into this relationship with eyes wide open.
So I held my cellphone hidden under my desk and texted a message to Luka, telling him I wanted to talk. I’d have to know how much shit his family was really into, and how Luka and I were going to figure a way to get him out. His reply was quick. He’d be at my dorm room in thirty minutes.
Class ran long, and I had to dash to my dorm. I flew down the hall to my room, only to pull up short. Air halted painfully in my lungs and my mind went into total panic.
Two uniformed cops were waiting at my door.
Oh, shit. What had happened? Were they here about Luka, or here for me? I forced myself to pull in a breath. Act natural, Addison. Remain calm.