S is for Silence (Kinsey Millhone 19)

He endured Thursday morning with his eye on the clock. At 11:50 he left the dealership, saying he was going out to lunch. When Kathy asked where, he said he hadn’t decided yet, but he’d be back in a bit. Feeling worldly, he checked into the same room at the Sandman. It was all so easy now. Violet arrived and moments later, in a flurry of discarded clothes, feverish kisses, agonizing groans, and grabbing at each other, they were both naked and lying on the bed. Her breath smelled of red wine and cigarettes, but he knew better than to ask what she’d been doing at the Moon so early in the day. What difference did it make?

The sex was even better this time, which he hadn’t believed possible. Already he felt comfortable in his skin, sure of himself. This wasn’t the lovemaking of strangers, but the intimacy of two adults. Violet could be rough, and she brought out the bawdiness in him. She was also outrageous, using language that sometimes shocked his staid sensibilities. She could be tender as well, in ways that made him want to weep.

Afterward, they shared a cigarette like lovers in a movie. He couldn’t get over this new sense he had of himself. Violet was tucked up under his arm, her head on his shoulder, face tilted back slightly so she could look at him. He looked down at her, saying, “What?”

She laughed. “How did you know I had something on my mind?”

“You’re not the only one with telepathic powers.”

“That’s good. I like that.” She was quiet, smile fading.

He gave her shoulder a shake. “Come on. Out with it.”

“I was thinking about what you said yesterday. You know, spending the rest of our lives in this room. That was sweet. That made me feel I was special to you, not just a cheap piece of ass.”

“Hey! Enough. Don’t say shit like that about yourself.”

“Well, it’s the truth. You know my reputation. I’m a wild child. I live fast and loose, but you know what it’s about? Under all the trashy talk and screwing around, I’m completely numb, like I’m already dead inside. So at least when I’m crazy drunk and out of control, I feel like I’m alive. Does that make any sense?”

“Jesus, you’ve just described my life. I don’t show it the way you do, but it’s exactly the same with me. You think I’m happy because I make a lot of money and live in a nice house? Doesn’t work that way. All my life I’ve been busy taking care of other people. This is the first thing I’ve done for myself. When I said that about spending the rest of my life with you, I meant it.”

“Thanks. That makes me feel good.” She seemed hesitant. “What happened yesterday, with the car? I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have taken it. I know I was wrong putting all those miles on it, but some thing came over me. It was like I’d just gotten out of prison and the world could be anything. The sunshine and the ocean. It was just so beautiful, flying down the road. I had all the windows cranked down and my hair was whipping across my face. I took it all the way up to forty miles an hour-”

“Shit, Violet. Don’t tell me that. You’ll give me a heart attack.”

“Well, it was an amazing experience and I have you to thank.”

“And for this.”

“Yes, for this.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You know I can make it happen.”

“Make what happen?”

“The car. I can set it up so it’s yours.”

She laughed. “Oh come on. Bullshit. You can’t do that. Are you nuts?”

“I’m serious. Tell Foley to come talk to me. If he shows up tomorrow morning, I can make him a deal.”

“Foley doesn’t have a dime.”

“I know, but we’ll work something out.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not just pulling my leg?”

“I’d do anything for you. I mean it. I’m crazy about you.”

“You don’t have to say that just because we ended up in bed.”

“You don’t know what you’ve done for me. Everything’s different now. I’ve changed.”

“Not changed at all. You’re finally yourself.”

“Tell me you’ll see me tomorrow,” he said. “Otherwise, I’ll never make it to next week.”

She was quiet again, making a study of his face before she formulated her reply. “All right. Tomorrow at four. I’ve got something to take care of first so you gotta promise you won’t get your undies in a wad if I’m late.”