S is for Silence (Kinsey Millhone 19)

“Doing what?” Kathy said, exasperated.

“What difference does it make?”

“In other words, you won’t tell. Thanks so much. I’d never do anything that horrible to you-”

“Oh, stop exaggerating. It’s not horrible.”

“I thought we were best friends.”

“I didn’t say we weren’t.”

“But that’s not how you treat a best friend-keeping secrets and being mean.”

“I’m not being mean.”

“You know what? That’s the difference between us, what you just said. You can’t admit the truth. Moral Rearmament has made me a better person, but Absolute Unselfishness doesn’t mean a thing to you. It’s whatever you want, whatever you feel like doing, and then you lie about it afterward…”

Liza said, “I have to go. My mom’s calling me.”

Kathy’s voice had a quaver now. “You know what? Absolute Honesty? You hurt me. Deeply. All week long, I looked forward to seeing you. It was going to be the bright spot of my day. Put yourself in my place and think how I felt when I heard you hadn’t even left a note.”

“Kathy, it’s not like I did it on purpose. I made a mistake.”

“Then why didn’t you call me when you got home?”

“That’s what I’m doing. I’m on the phone. I’m calling you. What else could this be?”

“Oh sure, hours later.”

“I just now walked in the door!”

“You were gone all day?”

“Why are you making such a fuss?”

“I’m making a fuss? So now it’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say it was your fault, but you don’t have to make such a big deal of it. You do things without me. Why can’t I do one tiny thing without you?”

“Fine. Be that way. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

Liza could feel herself crumble. This would go on for the rest of her life unless she found a way out. “Look, I’m really sorry, okay? I apologize.”

There was a momentary silence. Kathy didn’t like giving up the power position. “Do you mean that?”

“I do. Sincerely. I didn’t want to say where I was because it had to do with my mom and her… you know… her problem.”

“Oh you poor thing. Why didn’t you say so?”

“I was embarrassed. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“Of course. I completely understand. But really, if you’d confided in me, we could have avoided this misunderstanding.”

“Next time I will. I’m sorry I wasn’t completely honest with you.”

“That’s all right. Liza, it’s not your fault what she is.”

“I appreciate your being so nice about it.” Having capitulated, why not grovel as well?

“So what time do you want to go to the park tomorrow night? You think six is too early? I made some deviled eggs. I thought we could take a picnic.”

Liza was at a loss for words.

“Liza?”

“I’m here. The problem is I can’t go. That’s another reason I called. My mom’s kind of sick and I have to stay home because she needs me.”

“But won’t she be better tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. She doesn’t look good.”

“You can’t even leave her for an hour?”

“I better not.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“I don’t know. I’m calling the doctor as soon as I hang up from you. She’s been sick all day so it might be serious.”

“You want me to come keep you company? I don’t mind skipping the fireworks. We could make popcorn.”

“We better not. She could be contagious. She’s calling me right now so I gotta go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure. I hope she feels better.”

“Me too.”

When Liza placed the handset back in the cradle, the small of her back was damp. She played the conversation over and over in her mind, reconstructing Kathy’s tone, wishing she’d been quicker on the draw when Kathy tried to shoot her down. She shouldn’t have lied about her mom, but what else could she do? She didn’t see how Kathy would ever find out. She knew Kathy was full of pity for her because of her mother’s drinking and often told her she prayed for her in church, citing Absolute Love. Didn’t feel like love to Liza, but what did she know?