I comforted Rosie until she has ready to go home and sleep. We walked back down the dark street and I kissed her at the end of the driveway. I wanted to take her to a hotel and hold her in my arms the entire night. I wanted to tell our families to fuck off and live my life that way I wanted to. I wanted to do all of this, but my parents had the most important string attached to me. Rosie was the same way. They had money to get us by in life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: Rosie
I walked back into my quiet house and walked upstairs. The tears were dry on my cheeks now, but I still longed for Sterling to be holding me.
I wanted to sneak off to some quiet part of the park with him and ride his cock. Sterling made me forget my troubles with the way he made me feel. I craved it all the time now. I stepped into my room and slipped off my flip flops before dropping into my bed. The house was so quiet, making me wonder if the stuff happened here that remained in my mind. It was such a gorgeous place in a great neighborhood that offered so much potential. It was fun when we were kids and played outside together. I felt like I was a normal person back then with friends and family always surrounding me.
Once my father went against Sterling’s in some business deal, things changed. They hated each other, and it was their kids that suffered. Their wives who were friends and supported one another had to end their relationship. I remembered seeing them pass one another at the mall and the way both women were so stiff. It hurt seeing it even though I didn’t say anything to my mother.
I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Maybe I should consider moving with Violet and starting over there. I wouldn’t have money, but I could start working there. We could start small with an apartment and move up as we grew successful. I loved Violet and knew that we’d have a great time together. She was my constant in life and had been for the last four years. The only problem was that Sterling was my constant as well. He wouldn’t be in Texas. I wasn’t sure if I could live without him.
I fell asleep, tossing and turning while I dreamed an exaggerated version of my life. It involved my family leaving me without a place to live and Sterling abandoning me. I ended up with Violet the way that I was considering doing but it was harsh and painful. I woke up with tears in my eyes, remembering the way that Sterling walked away from me. He didn’t look back or even say anything as he disappeared in the dream even though I was calling out his name. I was sobbing as I begged him to stay. I rolled to my side and wiped at my eyes as something shifted in my stomach.
Today we were baking cookies with my aunts. They either didn’t know how bad my father was or they ignored it. Mom seemed to be okay in her big house with money. She was the one that was the best off in the family and since she lost her parents in a fire, the girls only had each other.
I showered and went downstairs for coffee, smiling softly at Mom as she pulled stuff out of the pantry. I knew that she loved me. Dad ruled the house and controlled so much of that to the point that I questioned her loyalty so much of the time. Even today when he was gone at work, his presence lingered.
Mom was allowed to love my brothers freely. They were a part of every aspect of the family and their wives were playing their part my popping out babies. My brothers loved their families but a part of me wondered if it was the same way my dad looked at us as trophies of some sort. I knew that I’d be on the shelf right along with them if I went with the business and married someone like Rich, having several kids to help carry on the business through the generations. I dreamed of having kids and showing them the world through creativity and art. I wanted them to write, draw and just show me their thoughts through color. I didn’t want to force them into anything the way my dad was doing to me. I could never imagine doing that.
I faked my way through making the cookies. There were five kinds, and I used to love the tradition. I’d eat my weight in the treats, washing them down with hot cocoa as I played with my cousins. This year, I stirred and dropped dough on the sheets as Mom and her sisters talked about life. One of them had a job in home health care and the other worked with children through art therapy. They were compassionate women that cared about people, inspiring me to do the same. I wanted to raise my own family with those morals and while Mom was loving on the outside, she let Dad control the family. Where had she failed?