“Thanks for breaking it down for me,” she said after a moment before pushing away from the table. Rosie stood to leave, and I held up my hand.
“Rosie, stop. I didn’t mean it that way.” I was fucking up left and right with her. I saw her push the door open and left both of our hot cups behind to chase after her. “Rosie!”
She was walking quickly down the sidewalk. Her legs looked great in the yoga pants and I forced my mind on stopping her again.
“Rosie.” I jogged up to her, stopping in front of her and leading her to the front of a store. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“That text said it all for me, Sterling. You didn’t want this anymore.” She gestured between us. “I decided to accept that and move on. Everything you said today told me the same thing.”
“Huh?” I asked as she glanced up to my face before looking away.
“I don’t want to fuck in parks anymore or your dorm room. I don’t want that casual thing, Sterling. It’s not who I am, and I let it go too long with you.” She sighed. “Our families fell apart years ago and with graduation right around the corner, so will this. We won’t have the space away from them like we do here.” I pinned her to the store, forcing her eyes to mine with my hand cupped around her cheek. “You have a reputation on campus. I knew this all along and I still kissed you that first night. I still slept with you. I can’t do that anymore. Just move on and find someone that your dad would approve of. You deserve someone that you don’t need to hide.” She pushed me away from her, continuing to her dorm as I stared at her in surprise.
New Year’s Eve played through my mind as shame washed over me. I didn’t sleep with the girl, but we came close enough in that club. Was I thinking of Rosie that night? I knew that I was, but it didn’t prevent me from messing around with her. It’s what I’d been doing my entire life with random girls. It’s how I was raised.
I let my shoulders drop, deciding what to do now.
I handled the flings so much better than I did Rosie. She was the only regular thing I’d had in a few years and I missed her already. I never let myself think of it as more than sex too deeply, but I knew that she did. I turned to walk into town to distract myself. This was going to hit me hard eventually, and I dreaded it.
I got back to my dorm a few hours later, buzzed from some beer I had at a bar. Some friends were there, and we hung out to drink together. I didn’t tell them about Rosie but then again, I never had. I just drank, feeling more separated from it as the night went on. A group of girls came up to talk and a cute little blonde smiled at me as I looked them over.
I heard Rosie’s words in my mind as I grinned back at her. She was right. I did sleep around a lot on campus so why not keep up the tradition? I chatted with the girl only aware that her name was Kelly when I went back to her apartment with her.
I was numb when I left. I wanted Rosie, but I knew when she was serious about wanting to be left alone. Kelly was willing and eager, but the sex left a lot to be desired. I left without getting her number, telling myself that this is who I was. I never deserved someone like Rosie at all. I was damn lucky to get the time that I did. I dropped into bed to pass out and forget everything.
I had one day to relax before classes kicked back in. I used it to put away the clothes I’d washed at home and just tidy up my room. I did wash my sheets to get Rosie’s addicting scent out of them, watching blankly as the material spun in the water and soap.
I missed her.
I took the warm, clean sheets back to my room and made the bed. My phone was on my desk and I checked it a few times throughout the day. I didn’t see anything from Rosie but there were several from friends. Everyone was asking me to go to the party tonight, and I agreed halfheartedly before dropping down and staring at the ceiling.
I wore jeans and a t-shirt to the party, though I was less than enthusiastic. My friends mingled around the large living room as I sipped a beer at the table. Luke took the empty seat beside me and looked me over.