I pace up and down my apartment, wondering when the time will come for me to go to Will’s apartment. I can hear him in there, cooking for me, and there is a massive part of me that can’t wait to see him once more, and in a personal capacity where there is no more hiding, rather than the stress that I felt at work…
But I’m nervous as well. I can’t help but freak out because I’m scared that this is going to be the end for me and Will. I need the job, I can’t turn my back on it, and I really don’t feel like I can have both. In theory it’s a thrilling idea to keep up a relationship with my hot boss who lives next door to me, but I don’t know how it will work in reality. The more that I think about how it will work, the less I can see it happening with ease.
“Oh God, what are we going to do?” I groan desperately to myself. “This is going to be a nightmare.”
I want to cry. I really could weep and fall apart because it seems like everything really has been too good to be true. I thought that life was finally giving me some luck, but it seems like fate has made everything perfect for me just to whip the rug from underneath once more. Life has brought a shadow back for me and I don’t like it at all.
I head back into my bedroom for about the fifth time to check on the outfit that I’m wearing, to make sure that it’s okay. I have a floaty black dress on, because I’m way too hot and stressed for trousers, and a cardigan. I want to remind him that I’m professional, I want to wow him with my work ethic and brains rather than any sexual appeal… I think. Of course, I want him to be attracted to me as well. I would be lying if I said I didn’t. I can’t help myself. I haven’t ever been looked at by anyone the way that Will stares at me. I’m so addicted to that…
But this time as I stare at my reflection, I don’t focus on my outfit, or my hair and makeup. Instead, I find myself looking at the wildness in my eyes, the worry hiding behind my gaze. I definitely feel like I am going to lose something tonight and I need to work out what it is. Do I follow my head or my heart? And honestly, do I even have a choice? If I don’t have the job then I don’t have anything. I will end up with nothing and no one. I shudder painfully at the idea of going back home and facing David again. My presence once more when he thinks that he is rid of me will only make him worse. That won’t be helping Mom at all. I can’t do that. It isn’t an option.
“No more holding off,” I tell myself with a firm nod. “It’s time to face this immediately.”
I grab my keys and make the short walk to the apartment next door, still not quite sure which way this is going to go. Everything will change, there is no way that I can walk away from Will’s apartment with everything as it is, but that doesn’t make me any clearer as to how this is going to play out. I just hope that it doesn’t get weird.
Knock, knock.
I bang on Will’s door quickly, before I can talk myself out of it, and shuffle from foot to foot as I wait for him to come to me. There is music playing inside his home, I can hear him singing along to it, why doesn’t Will seem to be plagued with the same sort of self-doubt that I am. Was he not as much into this as me? Is he not bothered about the whole thing? Or maybe he doesn’t see anything wrong with us working together in the day and sleeping together at night.
Then again, he isn’t going to lose anything even if we are caught, is he? No one will think lowly of him because he’s the boss. I will be the one judged for our relationship, the one that will lose friends she hasn’t even made yet. Worse still, he might hook up with people who work for him all the time. This might not be new to him. I mean, I can easily accept that I am less experienced than him because he’s older than me and I have led a sheltered life in that department, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be around others who have slept with him…
“Ah, hello.” The door swings open and his handsome face greets me. Does he really have to look quite so heart stopping today of all the days? Honestly, talk about making this a million times more difficult for me. “ Come in, my dear. I have been cooking for you ever since I first got in from the office, so I hope that it tastes good.”