Her words cause a physical ache in my chest. I actually grab on to my heart at the prospect of losing Will for good. I keep trying to let him go because it seems like the right thing to do, but I can’t quite manage it.
“I know that he is a good man, Mom, that was never in question,” I gasp back, struggling to speak now. “But that doesn’t mean he can be mine. I might feel the same way too, I might have…” I can’t say love however much I want to. “Feelings for him as well, but he’s my boss. That hasn’t changed. I can’t lose my job.”
Mom is silent for a beat too long before she continues. “I don’t get it. I don’t understand what the issue is with him being your boss. Why does that even matter? If it’s true love then nothing should get in your way.”
I don’t know if my mother is really in the position to be giving me love advice considering all of the mistakes that she has made along the way, but I’m also very aware that she only has my best interests at heart. She only wants what is best for me, and if she thinks that is Will… well, she’s probably right. However complex it is.
“It could get very messy though, couldn’t it?” I ask her desperately. “I keep thinking about everything that could go horribly wrong and it scares the living shit out of me. I don’t know if I can take it to be honest.”
Mom wraps her arms around me in a comforting gesture. “Things might go wrong, there is no denying that. You can’t predict what will happen in the future. But I don’t think that you should live in fear of that either. I’m sure that I might have been the one to put that fear into you, but I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. I will be here to pick up the pieces if things do go wrong because it’s time for me to be a mother to you.”
Tears start flowing down my face and I can’t quite work out if they are happy or sad ones. I’m just emotional to finally have my mom here with me looking much stronger mentally than I have ever seen her before. I can’t help but think that this time she means it, now she will actually keep away from David for good and be with me. It seems to me like she is actually ready which is what I have always been hoping and waiting for.
“You are going to stay here with me?” I whisper, really hoping that she nods, which thankfully she does. “You won’t go anywhere near him again? I won’t be able to stand it, Mom. I’m telling you…”
“Seeing you get a fresh start and blooming so well has inspired me.” I can’t believe it, she is finally telling me what I have wanted to hear forever since I first planned to move away. “I want some of the happiness that you have found here and living around all of those bad memories won’t be good for me. I am going to cancel the lease now, and start working on getting a job to save up some money to live somewhere here around you.”
I throw my arms around her and hug her with glee. I want my mother here where I can always keep an eye on her and support her. I am determined for this to become a reality, I want her here so badly.
“I would love that, Mom, that will be amazing. And whatever I can do to help you, I will.”
She pulls back to give me a serious look. “I need some time to heal first. I don’t want to push myself too fast, too soon. Will has been amazing to me and I want to make sure that I repay him by making something amazing of myself. So, for now you need to let me get on with that while you sort yourself out.”
“There is nothing I need to sort out right now,” I insist. “I am completely here for you.”
She cocks a knowing eyebrow my way. “So, that talk we just had about Will meant nothing to you. Because I am dead serious. I think that you and him should give it a go. I think you need it.”
I hang my head low, unable to meet her eyes because I’m scared of giving my real feelings away without meaning to. “I don’t know what I will do. I need some time to think about it. I don’t want to rush into anything and make a mistake that I will regret later because there is so much riding on this now. My job, your home, my heart…”
“You do what’s right for you… even though we all know what that is. You need to be with him.”