“I think I should talk to him,” Latesha softly tells her friend. Her voice doesn’t sound sure about me, but she isn’t sending me away either, so I will take it. “Just for a moment. Then he can go.”
“Once you have heard me out, I will leave immediately,” I insist to try and placate them both. “I promise.”
“I don’t like this.” Trace tells her friend with a serious warning to her tone. “Not one bit.”
“No, I know. I understand that.” Latesha rests her hand on Tracey’s shoulder. “But I won’t go anywhere. I will only be here so if I need you, I will tell you. Five minutes is all that he needs. No more.”
Tracey eventually leaves us alone and I find Latesha’s eyes piercing right through me, searing right in to my soul. It isn’t a pleasant look, she isn’t looking at me like she is pleased with me, but it’s okay. That will change, I think. Once I finally explain the truth to Latesha, everything will be okay again.
“Karen isn’t my wife.” That seems like the best place to start. “She isn’t even my girlfriend. She is the mother of my child…” I pause to see if this revelation will be a shock to her, but it seems that despite my privacy, she has heard about Amelia anyway. I guess secrets don’t stay buried for long. “And I haven’t seen her for over three years. She hasn’t been involved in her child’s life. I met up with her to see if she might want to change that.”
“Oh…” Horror crosses Latesha’s face. “Oh God, and I walked in like that…”
“Don’t worry, that isn’t an issue. You didn’t affect the meeting at all.” I don’t want her carrying that guilt. She doesn’t need that on top of everything else. “I just wanted you to know that she isn’t anything to me…”
“I see.” She shuffles awkwardly because she clearly doesn’t know what to say. “Right, well…”
“But that doesn’t excuse how I have behaved,” I insist. “I raced off when we first hooked up because I was late to get home for Amelia. Then I left our date because she was sick, which is why I haven’t been at work…” I shake my head sadly. “And I’ve been all stressed because of that which has made me a dick. I also felt bad that Amelia got sick when I was with you and blamed myself. Because Amelia doesn’t have her mother in the picture, I feel like I need to be everything to her and more. My mother is around and helps a lot, but it isn’t enough…”
“Wow, and you had that meeting with Karen to contend with.” Latesha is really starting to understand now and she actually feels bad for me. I don’t deserve that either. I just want her to know. “That must have been hard.”
“It’s just been a lot, that’s all. Everything happening all at once.” I smile thinly at her. “I should have known this was coming. I did hire a private investigator to find Karen because I thought that it would be best for Amelia… but I don’t know what’s going to happen now. We didn’t really leave it with any decision.”
“Oh, I see.” She doesn’t seem to have an answer to that. I don’t either. I’m just going to have to spend more time with Karen one on one, hopefully without any drama, to make my choice. “Well, I hope you sort it out.”
I stare at Latesha with my heart fluttering as I do. I might have tried to push her out of my mind for the better of Amelia, but it isn’t working. I don’t think I can cope without her completely. I can’t help needing her in my life. I shouldn’t, there are many reasons why this shouldn’t work, but I crave her too much.
“I want to sort things out with you as well,” I admit. “I know that I don’t deserve for you to even be here talking to me right now because I have lashed out and you have taken the brunt of it more than once, but I really do like you a lot. I really would love to spend more time with you. If you would let me. As a friend or…”
“Or more?” She cocks an eyebrow at me. “Because after everything that has happened between us, I am going to need you to be a lot more honest with me. Keeping things from me hasn’t worked in the past.”
“No, that’s all too true.” I nod slowly. “Secrets aren’t good. I didn’t want anyone at work to know about Amelia because I thought that it was better for me to keep my professional and personal life apart. Only I didn’t change that even when I crossed the barrier with you, and that was wrong of me.”