When I can’t stand on my feet any longer, I go to the foyer and sit on the bottom of the stairs. I don’t know how much time passes, if it’s minutes or hours, but when the front door finally opens, I jump up and rush forward. Maxime stands on the step, my coat and clutch in one hand. For a second, we just look at each other. His hair is messy and his jaw dark with stubble. His coat hangs open. Splatters of blood decorate his white shirt. He’s lost the bowtie, the top two buttons of his shirt undone.
“How is she?” I ask breathlessly.
“Fine.” He strides past me into the house, leaving the door open.
A gust of cold wind follows him inside. I shut the door and just stand there, feeling useless, left in the dark.
“Maxime.”
He stops, but he doesn’t turn to look at me.
“What did the doctor say?” I ask.
“She’ll be discharged by tomorrow. Stop worrying your pretty little head over her.”
Stop worrying? I go after him, catching up just as he reaches the stairs. Moving around him, I climb two stairs to put us on eye level. “Do you hear yourself? Are you insane?”
The corner of his mouth pulls up. “We’ve established that already. Move aside, Zoe. I need a shower.”
“Do you even give a damn?” I cry out.
“Yes.” His jaw bunches. “Which is why Alexis and his friend have been punished.”
“Is that where you’ve been all night?”
He looks me over. “You should’ve changed and gone to bed.”
“There’s no way I could’ve just put my head down and gone to sleep without knowing if she’s all right.”
“I told you.” He lifts a brow. “Anything else you need to know?”
I consider my question and the impact it will have on an already fragile situation, but I can’t go another day without the truth. “Why did you take me? What do you want from Damian?”
He watches me steadily, his gray eyes flat, but there’s something underneath the coldness, something he’s hiding.
“Tell me, Maxime. I deserve the truth.” It’s the least he can give me for stealing my life.
He mounts one step, two, putting our bodies flush. “Have you learned nothing, tonight?”
“That I’m supposed to trust you blindly?” I bite out, craning my neck to look up at him.
He grips the tangled mess of hair at the back of my head, but it’s not an angry move. It’s tender. “There are things I can’t tell you. I can’t always explain my actions. If you don’t give me reason to do otherwise, I will always act in your best interest.” His steely gaze pierces mine. “That’s why you have to trust me. Always. No matter what.”
I blink up at him, letting the information sink in, pondering a different question that has been haunting me all night. “Why didn’t you give me to Alexis?”
He releases me. “We’ve been through this.”
He’s not giving me anything, nothing to piece the puzzle together, only the bit about trusting him without question. My life is spiraling out of control, and I feel lost. I don’t have the facts to gather my ammunition and shield myself from the mind games he’s playing. I’m at a disadvantage in our war, and I’m afraid I’m losing my grip.
Reading my expression correctly, he asks, “What are you so scared of, Zoe?”
I give him the truth. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
He trails his gaze over me, taking me in from my bare feet to my clean-scrubbed face. His words are soft-spoken, a complete contrast to earlier tonight. “When I look at you, I don’t see a whore.”
Tears spring to my eyes. No matter how he looks at me, I can never wipe those stains on my soul away. I am what he made me, and suddenly the truth I’ve been avoiding all night hits me squarely in the chest. I want to believe him. Badly. I want to believe that I’m somehow something more, but it’s just my psyche’s way of trying to protect itself.
Cupping my cheek, he draws a thumb over my jaw. “How you look at yourself is entirely up to you.” Then he moves me aside and climbs past me up the stairs.
I’m drowning in helplessness, torn between wanting to grab the lie he offers between both hands and clinging to the last shreds of truth in my soul. I’m weak, so damn weak, because I don’t want to end up like that woman—fuck, I don’t even know her name, like she’s no one—and I hate myself for it.
“Maxime.”
He stops again.
“Please let me go outside,” I say. “I need some air.”
He hesitates.
“I’m not going anywhere.” My hand trembles on the balustrade. “You’ve made that clear.”
Keeping his back turned to me, he nods once before continuing his ascend.
When the bedroom door slams upstairs, I go through the kitchen to the backdoor. A guard stands aside when I exit. He seems surprised, but he doesn’t stop me. I walk barefoot over the gravel to the maze, but I don’t want to lose myself in more puzzles. Instead, I take the path to the cliffs and follow it to the spot from where Maxime had jumped. The pebbles and sticks are sharp under my feet. I welcome the pain. Even after last night, I still need the punishment. I’m freezing. The wind is cold and relentless, blowing the edges of Maxime’s jacket open and exposing my naked shoulders. I embrace the bite, hoping it will freeze everything inside me, but the burning in my gut continues, eating me up like a ravenous monster. My pain shines like precious stones in the dusty bed of a river. My feelings are discarded like diamonds in the dust. Wasted.