“And instead of killing you for running, he married you.”
“Yes.”
“Do you know how fucked-up this sounds?”
“I know the situation isn’t ideal, but Charlie is safe, and so am I.”
“My God, Val, you’re going to be a mother. Is this what you want?”
“Maybe it’s not what I would’ve chosen, at least not for another few years, but it happened, and I’m dealing with it as best as I can.”
“What about your life?”
“What about it?”
“Is it going to be centered around the mistake you and Gabriel made?”
“My child is not a mistake.”
“That’s not what I meant. A life without love can get terribly lonely.”
“I’ll have my baby, won’t I?”
“I’m not sure you will.”
A feeling of dread creeps over me. “What do you mean?”
“You grew up with the business. You’re not stupid. This child will be Gabriel’s first and yours second. If his family is against you, they may not give you much of a say in how you raise him. In fact, if they want to, they can take him away from you.”
“He’s mine.” I put a hand on my stomach. “Nobody takes him away from me.”
“That’s not how the family works,” she says gently.
She’s right. Gabriel holds all the power, but I can’t face it. Not now.
“Listen, Val, just do me a favor. Get a job. Find something to occupy your mind, something that’ll make you happy.”
I sound immaturely bitter. “For in case I end up not having a child to take care of, you mean?”
“I care about you, kiddo. That’s all.”
“I know.” I look away. “Gabriel wants me to run a charity project for strays.”
“Do you?”
“I don’t know. I’ve kind of lost my passion.”
“Maybe it’ll come back.”
“Maybe.”
“I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. You know that, right? I just don’t want you to look at the situation with blinkers and get a shock when reality hits.”
“I know.”
“Hey,” she nudges me, “have you had lunch?”
“No.”
“How about I cook us something and we talk about disposable versus echo-friendly diapers?”
“I have a better idea. I’ll take you out to lunch and baby shopping.”
“Don’t grab the arm when I offer the little finger. There’s a big difference between talking and actually walking through aisles filled with bottles and pacifiers.”
“We’ll also talk about your new practice. Are you going to keep the equipment Gabriel sent?”
“I haven’t decided, yet.”
I leave the tepid tea on the counter and take her hand. “You’ll have to hire more people if you do.”
“And set up a baby playpen for when his mom comes to visit.”
I swipe at the tears building in my eyes. “Damn hormones.”
“Here.” She fishes a tissue from her pocket. “The best remedy to get over pregnancy hormones is tiramisu at Roma’s.”
“Yuk.” I make a face. “The thought alone of coffee liquor and cream makes me sick.”
“It’s for me, not you. Looks like I’ll need a double portion, today.”
A laugh bubbles from my throat. “You’re horrible.”
“Love you too, kiddo.”
Gabriel
On the way to Berea, I call Dorothy Botha. The psychiatrist greets me by name when she answers.
I dive straight in. “I need advice. When’s a good time to call?”
“You can speak. I’m not with a patient.”
“I need to break important news to Carly, and I was wondering how to go about it.”
“What kind of news?”
“I got married, and my wife is pregnant.”
A silence follows. “Does Carly know about your relationship?”
“We kept it secret. She was our maid.”
“I see.” The silence stretches even longer. “Does Carly like her?”
“Let’s just say she doesn’t hate her. After what you said about Carly’s insecurity of losing me or her mother to a new spouse, I want to make sure I handle this correctly.”
“I’m afraid it’s too late. You handled it wrong the minute you decided to get married in secret. Carly hasn’t been a part of the unfolding relationship or the events that led to your decision.”
“Things were complicated. What do you suggest?”
“In a situation like this, I’d say go for honesty.”
“Impossible. This is not a rose-colored fairy tale, Ms. Botha.”
“If you can’t tell all the facts, be as honest as you can. Tell Carly why you excluded her and be frank about your feelings. It may help her to express how she feels about your rash decision. Expect a negative reaction, and whatever you do, don’t get upset. What she’ll need is love and understanding. Give her time to deal with the news and to adjust, but make it clear that your decision won’t change, if that’s the case. It’s important to show her stability and to reassure her that your love for her is unaffected.”
“So, I just blurt it out?”
“No, you use tact. Give her a prompt to prepare her, something like, ‘Carly, you remember Ms. So-And-So?’”
“Got it.”
“Good luck. I’ll chat to Carly about it during our next session.”
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure. Oh and congratulations.”
I rub my aching neck muscles when she hangs up. As I’ve said to myself so many times during the last few days, I only have myself to blame.