“We could clean up the business.”
She slams her fist on the desk. “This isn’t how this city works, and you know it.” She points a finger at me. “Try and run a clean loan shark business and see how far you get. The competition will ruin you in a day, and if they don’t, the police and government will. They’ll take kickbacks from someone willing to pay it, and we’ll be finished. Over.”
The sad part is she’s right. If you can’t do bribes and play dirty, you’re going down.
“I will not see my hard work to build this company up to where it is go down the drain.” She accentuates her statement with a nail she pushes on the polished wood of the desk.
I won’t break my vow. That leaves only one option. “I’m sorry, Magda. I guess that means you’re on your own.”
Her body goes rigid. Pushing back her chair, she rises stately. It looks as if her back is about to snap. The fine hair on her upper lip and chin trembles. Her nostrils expand and shiver like a buck smelling lion.
She presses her palms flat on the desk, regarding me from over the rim of her glasses. “You’re making a mistake.”
“This is the only right thing I’ve done in my life.”
Her arms are shaking so badly she has to lock her elbows. I’ve never seen her this mad.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” she hisses. “It’s her idea. Her doing. She planted this in your dim-minded head.”
My defenses rise. “Leave Valentina out of this.”
Her eyes narrow to slits. “I should’ve known. Should’ve guessed this is her game. She’s always been too holy for us.”
I take a step toward the desk. “Leave her alone.”
“This is what it’s come to, then?” She straightens, balling her fists at her sides. “You’ll choose her over your family, over your own mother?”
“She is my family, and yes, she comes first.”
Magda reels at my words. I may as well have slapped her. The color of her skin takes on an ashen tone. For a few seconds, emotions suspend between us––shock, betrayal, disappointment, anger. They pollute the air and poison the blood that’s supposed to be thicker than water.
When there’s no other expression but disillusionment left on her face, she says flatly, “Get out.”
I throw her words around in my mind. This is what it’s come to. To be honest, we’ve always been heading this way. I was always the son who disappointed. She took my choice and gave me a gun, but I’m not that boy any longer. I’m the man Magda bitterly hoped I would never be.
Rapping my knuckles on the desktop, I give her my resignation with a tight nod and turn my back on her and the future I’ve been building all my life. A part of me feels sorry for her. Not only did she lose her only granddaughter, but also the ambitions she had for her son. I won’t be her successor. I won’t salvage and nurture the business she busted her balls for. It will go with her to her grave, and what I’ve done for this business will take me to hell.
Outside, I stop on the landing for a breath. I lean my palms on the balustrade and inhale deeply. This is where it all started. This is where I laid eyes on Valentina for the first time. She looked so young and damn innocent in her white uniform and so strong. She was standing right there, at that table, and when the croupier grabbed her arm, I wanted to chop off his hand for laying a finger on her. The minute I looked into her scared but defiant eyes, I wanted her. She was a challenge and a mystery. She was brave and naïve. So damn hot and so damn untouchable. Unobtainable, and yet, just there, within my reach. Every contradiction in the book. The woman I wanted, and the woman I had to kill.
It seems like three lifetimes ago, but it’s only been a year. If I were a better man, I’d right the decision I took here that night by setting her free. I’d cut her lose like I cut the cords with The Breaker, but I’m not a good man. I can never let her go. This is my unrepented evil. She’s my biggest sin.
Looks like we came full circle. It ends where it began. With her. Somewhere in between, I lost Carly. My marriage, the baby, the changes in our living arrangements, it was too much. My ruthless lust for a woman I stole drove my daughter away from me, pushed her right over the edge. My burden doesn’t feel lighter when I descend the stairs and walk the hell away from who I used to be. It only grows heavier the nearer I come to the house. I can’t lay that godforsaken burden down, because it will mean I have to set Valentina free, but I can’t look at her, either, because it means I’ll have to face my guilt.