Grinding my teeth, I quicken my steps. When I finally make it to my block a little more than an hour and a half later, I’m soaking wet. I shuck off my jacket and kick off my boots by the door as soon as I open it so that I don’t drag water and snow across the floor.
I pull in a deep breath and let it out slowly when I see a message from Mackenzie on my cell phone. I stare at my cell for a minute, then shake my head and turn it off. I should have learned my lesson the first time she took off on me—but I didn’t. I should have realized that I’m not what she wants when she ran from me the second time we hooked up—but once again, I didn’t. Now I know for certain that she doesn’t want her family to know about me. I never thought I would be living a life where I would be someone’s dirty little secret, but that is exactly what I am to her.
Grunting in disgust at myself, I head for the shower. I stand under the hot water until it runs cold, then get out and go to bed. I keep my phone off so that I’m not tempted to talk to her.
Pulling my bulletproof vest down over my head the next evening, I Velcro the sides and then put on my jacket. I need to get my head in the game and off Mackenzie. Mackenzie, who’s called or texted at least a dozen times this morning to apologize. Mackenzie, whose last text said that she was now pissed at me for being pissed at her. That message shouldn’t have made me smile, but it did.
Stop thinking about her . . . I need to get focused on what’s about to go down.
This morning, Levi and I were finally able to procure a warrant for Juan Varges, a suspect in a missing-persons case we’ve been working on for the last three weeks. Two hours ago, I got word from an informant on where our suspect has been hiding out ever since the woman turned up missing. Varges is a known pimp with multiple homicides linked to his name. Unfortunately, until now, we haven’t had any solid evidence that we could use against him. When you’re a cop, going into any situation half-blind is dangerous. And when that situation involves a man with nothing to lose who is being backed into a corner, it could be deadly.
“What the hell is going on with you?”
Turning my head, I look at Levi. Since I moved to New York, he’s been my only real friend. He’s also one of the few people who knows why I moved here. I don’t know what his reaction would be if I told him about Mackenzie and me.
“I know something’s up, so let’s get it out on the table before we go get our guy,” he says, leaning against the side of his SUV after holstering his gun.
I shake my head. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“The beginning is always a good place.” He crosses his arms.
I let out a breath.
“I’ve been sleeping with Mackenzie.” Saying the words out loud lifts a weight off my shoulders that I didn’t even know was there.
A frown drags Levi’s brows together.
“She doesn’t want her sister to know about us.”
“You’ve been sleeping with Mackenzie? As in Fawn’s sister Mac?”
“Yeah.” I slam the door and head toward the trunk, with Levi following.
“Dude.” He runs his hand over his head. “When the hell did this start? Was it after you met her at Thanksgiving?”
“No. I met her at a bar a few days before that. She came home with me that night, then took off the next morning before I woke up, but she forgot her cell phone at my place. A few days later, she came by to get it, and we ended up in bed again. Trust me—I was shocked to see her at your place on Thanksgiving.”
“I bet.” He scrubs his hands against his face. “So . . . what’s going on between you two now?”
“Nothing. She told me that she didn’t want Libby to know about us.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah.” My jaw clenches when I think that she wants to keep us a secret.
“Maybe she didn’t mean it the way you took it.”
“I’m not sure there is another way to take it.”
“I don’t know, man. You met her parents. You saw just how crazy her mom is. Maybe she’s afraid that if her sister knows about you two, she’ll tell their mom, who’ll start trying to influence how Mac is feeling.”
“Maybe.” I check my gun before holstering it under my arm. “All I know is that she’s making me fucking crazy.”
“Welcome to the club,” he laughs.
I smirk at him. It wasn’t long ago that he had come into work complaining about his new neighbor. His neighbor who is now his girlfriend. After seeing them together, how happy they are, and how obviously in love he is with her, I have no doubt that it won’t be long before he’ll put a ring on her finger.
“Have you spoken to her since then?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No, but she did send me a message letting me know that she’s now pissed at me because I’m pissed at her,” I tell him.
He smiles.
“As soon as we’re done here, I say you go to her and figure out what’s going on. Just ask why she doesn’t want her sister to know about you.”
I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. Last night, I was sure about letting her go. I thought I could find a way to get over whatever this is. But when I woke up this morning, I found myself thinking of her and wondering if she’s okay, if she slept, if she was thinking about me the way I was thinking about her. Breaking it off would be impossible. She’s burrowed under my skin in the short time I’ve known her. Now I need to figure out how to either get under hers or get over her.
“Are you ready?” I ask, needing to change the subject and my train of thought.
Mackenzie is exactly what I don’t need to be thinking about right now.
“Yeah.” Levi pulls himself off the bumper where he had taken a seat.
Folding the warrant for our suspect in half, I shove it in the inside pocket of my jacket and pull my cell phone out. Holding it in my hand, I wonder if I should wait to talk to Mackenzie face-to-face. I know I probably should, but the idea of going into this situation without hearing her voice doesn’t sit well with me.
“Just call her, man. She and Libby were picking up Fawn to go out when you called to tell me that we finally got Varges.”
“Where were they going?” I ask, not sure I want to know the answer. If he tells me they are out at some bar, I might lose my mind.
“Some art show in SoHo,” he says.
My muscles relax. I see another police cruiser drive by and park down at the end of the block, behind the SWAT van. Time to go.
“Call her. Don’t go into this situation without letting her know that you’re thinking about her.” He pats my shoulder, then walks off toward the other officers gathered at the end of the block.
I dial and put the phone to my ear. I clench my fist when my call goes to voice mail.
“I’ll see you tonight,” I growl before I hang up. I shove my phone back in my pocket.
As Levi and I follow SWAT into the building—and up the ten flights of stairs to Juan’s girlfriend’s apartment—adrenaline starts to course through my veins.
I used to live for this, for these moments of excitement. Now the unknown fills my belly with dread and makes me even more aware that there are lives on the line here. When we reach the stairwell on the tenth floor, I brace my back against the wall and wait for the signal from SWAT to say that they have entered the apartment and it’s clear for Levi and me to go in. I close my eyes for a moment, say a silent prayer.
“Ready?” one of the SWAT officers asks, sticking his head into the stairwell a second later. Levi and I follow him down the hall toward the open apartment door. Upon entering, I do a quick scan of the room. There are two doors, both open. One leads to a bedroom, the other to a bathroom. The kitchen adjoins the living room. I walk in and see a TV on a glass stand, with a couch across from it. A woman who must be Juan’s girlfriend is sitting with her hands on her lap. Juan lies on his belly on the floor with two SWAT officers to either side of him.
Pulling the warrant out of my pocket, I stride toward Juan’s girlfr
iend but stop abruptly when she reaches down between her legs and pulls out something black. It takes a second for me to react and to yell, “Gun!”
As soon as the word leaves my mouth, all hell breaks loose. The officers holding Juan lose their hold on him as bullets start flying, which gives him just enough leeway to grab a weapon from under the entertainment unit. It feels like I’m watching him lift the gun in slow motion. I shout again, but it’s too late. He takes the shot. Everything seems to stop as the bullet hits Levi, who goes down.
Not again, not again.
I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth as I make my way across the floor on my hands and knees toward Levi. His back is to me. Once I’m close enough to touch him, I grab on to the collar of his jacket and drag him with me until we’re both behind the couch.
Please be alive! I silently beg, rolling him onto his back.
His chest is rising and falling, but he’s bleeding.
I yell over the sound of grunts and shouting. “We need an ambulance—now!”
I strip off my jacket and put it over his shoulder to put pressure on the entry wound.
“Fawn . . . ,” he says as I add more pressure. “Call Fawn.”
“I’ll call her,” I promise as his eyes slide closed. “Get a fucking ambulance!” I yell again as blood pools out from between my fingers.
There’s too much blood—way too much blood. My stomach turns and my pulse thumps hard.
I can’t do this. I can’t do this again. I can’t lose anyone else.
“Medical is on their way up now,” one of the SWAT officers says as he gets down on his knees across from me. “Do you want me to take over?”
Shaking my head, I keep my eyes on my hands—they’re covered in blood.
“Medic’s here.”
I lift my head and watch four EMTs come into the apartment, carrying a stretcher and bags with them.
“We got it,” one of the female EMTs says.
But I don’t move. I can’t.
“You can’t let him die.” I swallow over the lump in my throat, and her hand covers mine.
“I promise we will take care of him, but you have to let us do our job.” She gives me a reassuring smile.
I look from her back to Levi.
“Thank you.” I stand back and watch them go to work on my partner, my friend.
Once they slow the bleeding and make sure he’s stable, they lift the gurney up off the floor and start pushing him out of the apartment and into the hall. He doesn’t look as pale as he was a few minutes ago, but his skin is still clammy, and his eyes won’t stay open for longer than a few seconds.