So this afternoon, I called and talked to Dustin’s mom and dad. They had told me before that what happened to Dustin wasn’t my fault, but today was the first time I really heard them. I have been carrying around so much guilt, so much self-hate. From the beginning of our friendship, I was always Dustin’s protector. He was the smaller, weaker one of the two of us, so it was my job to look out for him and to keep him safe. It had always been that way, from the day we met, when I stepped in and protected him from a couple of older kids who were picking on him. After that, we became best friends and were inseparable. I knew that he would always be in my life, and I would always be in his. We would probably name our kids after each other and force our wives to be best friends because we were. There would never be a time when we didn’t have each other.
I close my eyes and remind myself that I can’t go back or dwell on what could have been. Dustin wouldn’t want that for me. If he knew the way I have been pushing everyone away since his death, he’d probably kick my ass. I know for sure he’d kick my ass if he knew about Mackenzie and the way I dismissed her feelings and her concern.
I pull out the first object in the box that my hands touch, and I smile when I see it’s a photo of Dustin and me in our uniforms. We were twenty and had both just graduated from the academy. We thought we knew everything at that moment, but we learned quickly that we didn’t know anything. Our first year on the force was the hardest and most fulfilling of them all. It taught us a lot about the men we were becoming. Setting the framed photo on the shelf, I spend the rest of the day unpacking box after box.
It’s after eleven at night when I finally finish, but I can’t sleep. All I can think about is tomorrow, when I plan on winning my woman back. I just pray that she accepts my apology. If she doesn’t, I will just have to kidnap her and tie her to my bed.
Chapter 13
A FRESH START
MAC
After the buzzer in my office goes off, I press the button to unlock the door and then pop a few more Tums in my mouth. On top of not sleeping and morning sickness, I have such bad heartburn that I have been eating Tums like candy.
“Knock, knock.”
Seriously? I inwardly groan when Edward walks through my office door wearing a smile that makes me want to punch him in the face.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, trying to be polite. I’m honestly way too tired to play nice with anyone right now.
“Hello to you, too.” He grins. “I thought I would stop by and see if you wanted to have lunch. I haven’t seen or heard from you since New Year’s.”
“I’ve been a little busy.” I sit back in my chair, praying the antacid works soon.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” I lie. He studies me closely but doesn’t say anything. He knows me well enough to pick up on the fact that I’m lying.
“Well, then, come on. Grab your coat, and let’s go eat.” I don’t want to say yes, but then again I also don’t want to spend the hour before my next client arrives sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I did that yesterday and the day before—and the day before that. The fact that Wesley hasn’t called me in three days bothers me more than I want to admit. I mean, I wouldn’t have answered if he had called, but he still should have called me. Then again, maybe the pregnancy is turning me into a crazy person.
“Are you coming?” Edward asks, snapping me back into the present.
“Fine.” I grab my coat and my purse, and we head across the street to the deli. After ordering sandwiches, we take them to a table at the back and sit across from each other at a high-top table.
“How are things with you and Wesley?” he asks as we start to eat.
I finish chewing and swallow before I answer, “Okay.” I’m intentionally vague because I don’t want to start myself crying.
“Just okay? You two looked pretty in love on New Year’s Eve. What happened since then?”
“We have both been busy. What’s going on with you?”
“Work. The housing market has picked back up, so I’m busy most days.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“I need to pay for a wedding, so yeah—it’s a good thing,” he says.
My stomach twists.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Ask away.” He takes an unconcerned drink from his soda and a bite from his sandwich.
“Why are you cheating on Bonnie?”
“I’m not.”
“I heard you on the phone that day in my office. You were meeting another woman for sex—unless that was how Bonnie and you role-play. Or unless I misunderstood the whole conversation.”
“It wasn’t Bonnie,” he says, balling up his napkin and tossing it into his empty sandwich basket.
“So you were talking to another woman?” I ask.
He nods.
“Why are you marrying Bonnie, then?”
“I love her.”
“Do you?” I whisper, feeling sad for them.
“We have an open relationship,” he says.
I blink at him. “Pardon?”
“Bonnie and I have an open relationship.”
“Do you mean you guys are swingers?”
“Yeah.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I love Bonnie, but I like other women, too. I just don’t feel the same about them as I do her,” he says.
I feel my lip curl up. I mean, to each their own, but there is no way I could live like that.
“Wow.”
“That’s why I never went there with you,” he says.
I sit back in my chair. “What?”
“I knew you wanted to be more than friends, but let’s be honest. You would never be okay with my lifestyle. So as much as I wanted to be with you, I knew I couldn’t go there with you.”
“Seriously?”
“I didn’t want to risk losing our friendship,” he says.
I shake my head. I can’t believe I’m hearing any of this.
“I was going to send Bonnie an anonymous note to tell her you were an asshole and that you were cheating on her,” I say.
He tosses his head back and laughs. “She would have gotten a kick out of that.”
“I bet.” I rub my hands over my face. I can’t believe this. I guess I can, but still. “Well, this lunch has been enlightening,” I say.
He smiles and stands up, and I do the same. Tossing my trash away, I walk him to the door, then back across the street to my office. I’m at a loss for words.
“Are we okay?” he asks, opening his arms to me.
I roll my eyes at him. “Yeah, we are okay.”
“Good.” He hugs me tighter before letting me go. “Also, if you and Wesley ever do decide that you want to try out a different lifestyle, let me know. Bonnie is a little crazy about your man, and I wouldn’t mind—”
“Never going to fucking happen.”
My heart drops into my stomach when the voice I love so much cracks through my office.
I spin around to face Wesley. Wesley, who looks a little scary and a whole lot handsome standing in my doorway.
“You will never, ever touch her.” He glares at Edward before looking at me and softening his expression and tone. “Right, gorgeous?”
“Ugh . . .” I blink. “Right.” I swallow.
“I figured that,” Edward says.
I look at him just in time to catch the goofy smile he’s wearing.
“I’ll see you around. Maybe the four of us can do dinner sometime.”
“Probably not,” Wesley mutters at the same time I say, “Maybe.”
I shrug, ignoring Wesley and his bristling. Edward kisses my cheek.
“We’ll talk soon,” he says. He looks at Wesley. “See you around, man.”
“Hmm,” Wesley grunts in response, watching Edward go.
Pulling my eyes from him, I wrap my arms around myself and take a few deep breaths before turning to look at him.
“What are you doing here??
??
“I came to talk to you,” he says, studying me from head to toe like he’s memorizing every inch of me.
“About what?” I ask, not willing to get my hopes up.
“About everything.”
“Everything?” I narrow my eyes, and he tucks his hands into the front pocket of his jeans. The move makes him look like a scared little kid.
“I messed up.”
“I know,” I agree.