So she bit her lips, because she couldn’t say yes. Not yet. Oh, she would. There was no doubt. But first…first she had to do the most difficult thing she might ever face in her life. She had to face down her past. And then she had to forgive herself.
“I love you,” she said fiercely. “I don’t want you to ever doubt that. ”
She looked each of them in the eye as she spoke the words.
“You have no idea how much I want this. ”
She slid off the ring and carefully returned it to the safety of the velvet jeweler’s box.
Before they could protest, she turned back to them, not wanting them to believe even for a moment that she was rejecting them or their love.
“Give me just a few days,” she asked. “Just give me that and then ask me again. There’s something I must do. For us. And for me. Ask me then and I’ll put that ring on, and I’ll never take it off. Until then, hold it for me. And don’t give up on me. ”
“Oh honey, that’s never going to happen,” Seth said as he hugged her to him.
She’d expected an argument or maybe anger. Insecurity or that they’d think she was rejecting their proposal. But they all looked at her with love and understanding in their eyes. No judgment. No anger. Nothing but love. Pure, unconditional love.
The sun slid over her skin, warming her through. She turned her face up, a sheen of tears making the sky a little shinier. She’d spent a lot of time railing against God. Asking why. Asking for a miracle. All this time she’d thought He’d turned a deaf ear to her. That He’d forgotten her or that she was unworthy of his grace or mercy.
She knew now that she was wrong.
He’d sent her the biggest miracle of all. Three wonderful, loving, patient men with an endless capacity for loyalty and love.
For the first time since Rose’s death, she realized that she’d survive. And not only could she survive, but she could be happy again.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lily carefully folded the drawing so that the image wasn’t in any way compromised and then she tucked it into her pocket. It was perfect. Just as she’d envisioned it.
She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. This was it. She was going to do it.
She scribbled a note for the guys and left it on the bar where they’d see it. Then she took the keys to Seth’s truck that he’d left for her in case she needed a vehicle since he now drove an SUV that was his official duty vehicle when he was on the clock.
She didn’t call Holly before she headed toward the Colter home. She hadn’t wanted to explain over the phone. It was simply too complicated. She just hoped that Holly and Callie were home, because while much of what she was doing had to be done by herself, she needed the kind of support that the Colter women provided.
She pulled into the drive and saw the array of vehicles driven by Holly, Callie and Holly’s husbands. If the cars were any indicators, they were all at home.
Gathering her courage, she got out and went to knock on the door.
Adam answered, and while there was surprise in his eyes, his smile was warm and welcoming. He held out his arms and gathered her into a quick hug, shocking the daylights out of Lily.
“How are you, honey?” he asked gently.
It dawned on her that Seth, Dillon and Michael had probably told their family what had happened. It didn’t anger her. The Colters were tight-knit and it seemed the most natural thing in the world that they would have spoken to their parents about her situation.
She smiled up at him. “I’m good. Are Holly and Callie here? I’d like to talk to them, if possible. ”
“Of course. Why don’t you come in. Would you like something to drink? I have tea and lemonade. ”
“I’m good, but thank you,” she said shyly.
As they entered the living room, Ryan looked up from where he sat on the couch reading a book. He stood when he saw Lily, concern etched on his brow.
“Is everything okay, Lily?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” she said hastily. “I just came to talk to Holly and Callie. ”
“I’ll get them,” Adam volunteered. “Last I saw them, they were holed up in Callie’s room internet shopping. God help us. ”
Lily stifled her laughter as Adam left the room but then she stood awkwardly, bearing Ryan’s scrutiny as she waited.
“Have a seat,” he offered. “How are you doing? Are you enjoying your art?”
Lily’s tension eased and she smiled, unaware of the way her entire face lit up and she glowed. But Ryan saw. He knew how incredibly talented the young woman was. He also knew that she’d endured a lot of hurt in her young life. She reminded him so much of Holly when she’d first come to him and his brothers. A wounded bird in need of a place to heal so she could spread her wings again.
He hoped like hell that his sons would prove to be exactly what Lily needed. He knew for certain that she was precisely what they needed.
Adam returned a moment later with both Holly and Callie hot on his heels. Ryan also wondered if Lily wouldn’t be key in soothing some of the hurt he saw in his own daughter’s eyes. Lily…she was special, and he’d known from the day he met her that she was going to make a huge difference in his family.
She was already entrenched in so many ways. Holly loved her, and Lily had won Callie’s heart the day she’d given her the beautiful drawing of Callie’s Meadow.
“Lily!” Holly exclaimed.
Holly was more obvious than Adam and he himself had been. She wrapped her arms around Lily and hugged her fiercely, rocking her back and forth just like she was a child in need of comfort.
“Oh honey, I’ve been so worried about you. What a terrible time you’ve had. But you’re home now. You have a family who loves you. ”
Lily gave Holly a watery smile that tugged at Ryan’s heart. He looked over at Adam, and Adam nodded his head in the direction of the door.
Ryan stood and on his way by, he gave Lily a hug of his own. She’d always seemed a little more uneasy around him than the others, but then he’d always been told he wasn’t an easy guy to relax around. But he wanted Lily to feel loved and welcomed. Part of their family.
She seemed surprised by the gesture and then she hugged him back, briefly resting her head against his chest.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said simply.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
He pulled away. “We’ll leave you ladies to it. Adam and I will be out in the barn if you need us. ”
As soon as the men had left, Holly all but dragged Lily to the couch and sat her down between her and Callie.
“How are you, really?”