“People don’t change.”
Dr. Halpern pursed her lips. “That would render my job useless, wouldn’t it?”
I said nothing.
Dr. Halpern laughed. “You have manners, so you didn’t answer the question with words. I appreciate that. But your face said it all. There are very few things I’ll argue with a patient about, but having the ability to change is one of them. We all have the ability to change, Weston. Maybe not our DNA, but certainly the way we treat people is something we’re all capable of modifying. It’s not always easy, but the first step is awareness—recognizing what needs to be changed and wanting things to be different. Whether what you believe about yourself is true or not is almost immaterial. What’s important is that you believe it to be true, and you have the desire for things to change.”
“No offense, Doc, but that sounds like a lot of psychobabble. If changing is that simple, why doesn’t everyone do it? Prisons are filled with repeat offenders. I’m sure most guys who rob convenience stores don’t walk through the gates on release day thinking, I can’t wait to go rob someone again and come back here.”
“I’d have to agree with you. In that case, things are hard when they walk out of prison. They likely have no money, and the life they knew before has moved on without them. I never said it was easy to change. But if you hit the pavement eight hours a day, every day, willing to accept any minimum-wage job, most people will find something to cover feeding themselves and putting a roof over their head. The problem is, it’s a lot harder to work forty hours a week washing the floor and scrubbing dishes than it is to point a gun at someone and steal a thousand dollars out of a register. So you truly have to want a clean lifestyle at any cost.”
Dr. Halpern shook her head. “I think we’ve gotten off track, but the principle is still the same. There will be situations in your life that tempt you away from being loyal, and sometimes not taking the temptation will cost you something. It’s a matter of how badly you want what you want and what you’re willing to sacrifice to get it.”
She made it sound so simple. It wasn’t like I’d made a conscious choice in the past to screw things up. All of a sudden, I’d find myself someplace, and I usually hadn’t realized where I was heading until I got there.
“I don’t always see my bad choices before I make them.”
She nodded. “That’s understandable. But there are a few things you can start to practice that will lead you in the right direction.”
“Like what?”
“For starters, express your feelings. Whether it’s a good thing or bad thing, try to be open. Don’t lie or omit things that are on your mind. And that’s a task that’s easier said than done. For example, does this woman know how you feel about her?”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure I even know how I feel about her.”
Dr. Halpern smiled. “Are you sure? Very often, we tell ourselves we feel conflicted about someone or something because the thought of how we really feel scares us.”
Fuck. I dragged a hand through my hair. She was right. I was falling in love with Sophia, and not the kind of fall that happened slowly. I was barreling head over heels, hard and fast, and it scared the living shit out of me. It took a few minutes for that to sink in, even though it had been there all along. My head pounded, and my mouth felt like the Sahara Desert. I looked up at Dr. Halpern and discovered she’d been watching me mull everything around in my head.
Frowning, I said, “Fine. Maybe you’re not such a quack after all.”
She laughed. “I think we’ve had a good session today, so I won’t push you to discuss the feelings you have about this new woman. But loyalty is a two-way street, and it begins with honesty. Now that you’ve admitted what your heart holds, perhaps the next step is sharing it with the person who holds your heart.”
Chapter 22
* * *
Sophia
The last few days had been crazy busy. My father was back in town, and the legal team had been working twelve hours a day as we loomed closer to the bid-submission deadline. Some nights I didn’t finish working until almost midnight. And even then, the light was still on in Weston’s office when I left. Though that didn’t stop him from making his way to my bed when he finally called it quits.
This morning it felt like we’d barely fallen asleep, and now we were up again. The first light of the day streaked in through a gap in the curtains and sliced a ray of sunshine across Weston’s face.