Highest Bidder

I knew exactly the kind of pain that had gripped her. It was deep … emanating straight from a place in the heart that felt as though it could never be reached to be soothed. Just like a knife you wanted to pull out, but knew if you did, the wound would make you bleed to death.

In that moment, I knew what my next step would be. “Mom, Brent is not going to be in my life, but I’m keeping my child …”

She rose up and the look she gave me was terrifying. It felt as though I was looking at a stranger. “Do you know what a child is going to do to you? Especially at your age? There are no options here. You’re getting rid of it. Nothing of his will ever remain in our lives.”

“I’m financially secure now, Mom. I’m sorry, but I’m keeping my baby.” I turned around to leave.

Her voice softened into a tone that I couldn’t ignore. “Freya," she called. “I can’t stand by and watch you become tangled up with that man in any way. He is ruthless. And even if you decide to keep the child, in the future, when he finds out about it, he might end up taking it from you and leaving you with absolutely nothing but fury and regret. Wash your hands of him and move on with your life. I beg of you.”

My head felt like it might split into two as I continued on my way to my room.

“Freya,” she called after me. “Freya!”

I slammed the door shut and locked it behind me.

Freya

I was awoken by Maddie’s text later that evening.

Are you in love with him?

I gazed at the message. As I was contemplating even responding to it, another one came in.

Your mom called me.

She says your door is locked.

You might not want to talk right now but call me soon. Please.

My debating came to an end then. I picked up the phone and called my best friend.

Her voice was careful and soft as she picked it up. “Your mom is livid. I’ve never ever seen her like that before.”

“Me neither,” I responded. “Did she tell you everything?”

“She did. I won’t berate you yet for keeping it from me, but you can be sure that is coming.”

Somehow, I smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah ... I imagine you’re already so upset right now.”

I breathed deeply.

“Why are you hesitating?” she asked.

A long time passed before I could respond, “I want the baby, Maddie.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s mine,” I sobbed.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“No,” I said quickly. “The phone is better.”

“Do you want to be with him?”

“I do, but I don’t know if I’m allowed to want to be with him. Apparently, he scares everyone around me.”

“Does he want to be with you?” she asked.

A little laugh bubbled out of me. “The way I behaved when he came around, probably not.”

“You need to speak with him, Freya,” she said.

“And say what? ‘Hey, I think I’m in love with you but I’m scared that you’re a psychopath?’”

“That sounds fine to me,” she responded. “He’ll probably say, ‘I am a psychopath and I’m incapable of loving anyone’. Doesn’t that solve everything? You’ll stop doubting yourself, and you’ll be able to move on. Problem solved.”

When I didn’t respond, she went on, “Are you scared of being rejected?”

“I don’t expect anything from him.”

“I know you don’t, but you have to hope. And the baby … that gives you a greater chance.”

I hated everything she was saying, but I couldn’t deny the truth in her words.

“Speak to him, Freya, so that you can move on. You mentioned that he scares you … why?”

“Well, you all keep warning me away from him, for one.”

“Forget about us,” she said. “Why does he scare you?”

I pondered on the question for so long, and she waited patiently until I responded.

“He feels like a timer in my hand,” I explained. “Everyone says that it’s a bomb, but all I see is my new favorite toy. I don’t ever want to let it go but at the same time I keep wondering, when is it going to explode in my face? What scares me is that if I had to choose, if I forgot everyone else and chose, I would choose to be hurt rather than let it go.”

“Okay, big question for you. Everyone is saying he is a psychopath, but has he ever hurt you?”

“No. In all his actions, he has always been caring and protective.”

“You have your answer then,” she said. “Don’t listen to us. Go ahead and try. Don’t hold back and especially, don’t make assumptions. You’re young and this is your first relationship so of course, you’re gonna act a bit childish, but you’ll get there. Go see him and get the facts out of him and then you’ll know exactly how to proceed.”

Freya

Two days later, Liam Lucan died of liver failure.

I did not even get the news until that evening after it had thoroughly circulated the office and news outlets that his half-brother, Brent, had chosen instead to attend a conference in France than the funeral. That evening, feeling a bit sick, I sat at my desk as the sun went down.