“I’m calling a fuckin’ ambulance,” he bellowed, his eyes saturated with panic he couldn’t disguise. “Breathe, flower, hold on,” he pleaded.
The door opened and Asher’s eyes cut to it, his body tightening even further. Bex didn’t even say a word, as soon as she laid her eyes on me, she knew what was going on. She rushed to the bed, pushing Asher’s hands off my shoulders. He moved, more with shock than anything else I think.
“Lilmeister, look at me,” she commanded calmly. “Go to your place,” she ordered softly.
“What the fuck’s going on?” Asher yelled his phone at his ear.
Bex didn’t glance at him. “Get off the phone and get me the inhaler and nebulizer from the drawer beside her bed,” she snapped.
Asher’s face jolted for a spilt-second in surprise, then he moved.
“Lils, at me,” Bex commanded.
I locked my frantic eyes onto her calm ones.
“Think of the horizon,” she whispered as she fiddled with the inhaler Asher thrust into her hands. “You’re on a beach, remember? The air’s clear, it’s so warm it sinks into your bones, and you can hear the waves crashing in your ears. Take a deep breath, taste the saltwater air,” she commanded softly, her voice serene, eyes on me.
“What the fuck is going on?” Asher shouted, juxtaposing Bex’s gentle tone. His eyes locked on mine with something I’d never seen behind them. Fear.
“She’s having an asthma attack,” Bex replied quickly.
She placed the nebulizer over my mouth and pressed the button on the inhaler.
“Breathe,” she instructed calmly.
I focused, remembering my mom doing the same thing when I was little. She’d be calm, not panicked as I struggled to catch a breath. She’d told me to think of a sunset, go somewhere else and close my eyes and focus on that, not the strangling feeling in my chest. She’d sat holding my inhaler, describing in her melodic voice the place where I could go to find a way to breathe, to get through. She was never frantic. Though I’m sure she felt it, she never let it show, not until after at least. Then she’d rush me to the ER.
I closed my eyes fastening my shaking hands around the nebulizer. I tried to slow my heartbeat, picture the beautiful sunset, the horizon, my mom living beyond that, in that better place.
It took a while, to get past the panic that came with getting robbed of breath, of realizing I could suck it in once more, but I got there.
I opened my eyes to Bex and Asher’s worried gazes. I slowly lowered my inhaler.
“I’m okay,” I rasped after sucking in some more oxygen.
Asher stared at me, his face was blank, blinking a couple of times. Then his whole body sagged with relief. He moved closer to me, to cup my neck, his eyes intent on mine, searching my face.
“I’m still calling an ambulance,” he declared, glancing down onto his phone.
I put my hand on his arm. “I’m okay. I don’t need an ambulance,” I protested in a husky voice.
His eyes cut back to me. “You stopped fuckin’ breathing,” he said slowly, his voice ragged.
“It’s not the first time it’s happened,” I replied softly.
“It may be scary as shit, biker boy, but Lily’s right,” Bex put in from the other side of me, squeezing my hand. “She’s gone through this before. Not much the hospital can do now anyway. Trust me, I dragged her ass there the first time it happened,” she informed him with a shaky smile. I knew she was trying to mask her own fright. It wasn’t exactly cake when you watched someone suffocate on their own lungs. It wasn’t cake experiencing it either.
I smiled a sad smile at this. She had. She’d also called my mom in hysterics and then put her on the phone to me after locating my inhaler and thrusting it at me. Mom’s gentle voice had helped me focus on getting my breath back. That would never happen again. I’d never get that voice coaxing me out of the vortex of terror that came with my attacks. I blinked away the tears that came with this realization.
I unfastened the nebulizer and took a puff of the smaller part of the inhaler.
Asher’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t even know she had asthma,” he muttered quietly. His voice was defeated as if he was angry at himself.
Bex gave him a sad smile. “Well, our Lily’s not about sharing much with the general public, in case you hadn’t noticed.” She winked at me. “She keeps this particular nugget close to her chest, excuse the expression.” She squeezed my hand again, her eyes turning serious. “You okay now, Lils babe?”
I nodded, my throat feeling too dry to speak. Plus, I was too busy trying to catch my breath, it was hard to both breathe and speak after an attack. Bex knew this, and reached over to the glass of water beside my bed, handing it to me. I gulped the water greedily, trying to swallow in between breaths. I gave her a smile in thanks.