A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Want to kill that motherfucker,” he bit out. “Letting you leave. Missing out on Lexie growing up. You growing up.” He shook his head in disgust. “Stupid fucker.”
I blanched slightly. If he wanted to kill him because he thought he abandoned us, he could never know the truth.
Zane cupped my jaw lightly, rage disappearing. “Also tempted to thank the stupid fuck. If he wasn’t the asshole he was, I wouldn’t have you. Wouldn’t have Lexie,” he said quietly.
I didn’t know what to say, the rawness of past demons combined with the freshness of new grief making me hyper-sensitive to beautiful declarations coming from someone who didn’t give them often. I didn’t have the words, so I let actions speak for me. I leaned up to kiss him lightly, tenderly, pouring all of my feelings for him into one kiss. The kiss turned from tender to frenzied in a matter of seconds. And before I knew it, Zane had lifted me and pinned me down. He then preceded to fuck my brains out.
That night had changed things even more. I watched Zane every now and then, looking at Lexie, no doubt thinking about her father, about her loss and giving her a small neck squeeze or a kiss on the head. He had barely let me go, not that I was complaining. So somehow, amidst the hardest times of my and Lexie’s life, I also found some of my happiest. It was safe to say it had been an emotional roller coaster that left me exhausted. When we arrived home last night, I had been ready to crash in Zane’s arms as I had grown accustomed to. But he had taken our luggage in then moved to the door once Lexie had gone to sleep. His face had turned from one I had come to be used to over the past week back to its original blank, hard gaze. I had almost flinched. Especially when he declared he had “club business” and he didn’t know how long it would take. He had then given me a chaste kiss on the mouth and was gone.
I hadn’t seen him since then and hadn’t heard from him. Which meant I hadn’t crashed last night like I had planned. Instead I had tossed and turned, waiting for Zane to come home and playing over events to see what could account for the change. I had narrowed it down to a phone call he had gotten just before we left the airport. This all contributed to about one hour of sleep, which in turn made me into an even bigger wreck. I had already had a week off work and I needed to get back. Especially since our owners were…gone and I would have to run things until the lawyers settled the estate and new owners took over. I didn’t have time or space in my brain to think about what that would mean.
I also needed to be busy. To be alone with my thoughts, wallowing in grief was the last thing I needed. So even though I had desperately wanted to curl up on the sofa with Lexie and watch Friends reruns, I had gotten my ass ready for work and Lexie for school. She had missed enough already and needed to be kept busy. I had planned on dropping her off but Killian had been on our doorstep this morning, ready to take her. As much as I hated to admit it, I was glad. He treated her like she was made of glass and seemed to give her the same strength Zane gave me.
She had seemed worried to leave me, but I assured her I would be fine. Obviously since I was unable to get out of the car, I wasn’t. My phone ringing made me jump. I stared at it in my hand, remembering my first day, sitting in the car with all of my doubts. Steve’s encouraging words echoed through my thoughts. I’d never hear his voice on the other side of the phone again. Never get the support and unwavering belief and faith he had in me. The phone stopped ringing. A single tear trailed down my cheek and it hit me. The reality of it all. I’d stopped moving. Stopped running and it had finally caught me. I hadn’t cried. Not at the funeral. Not when Lexie had sung the most beautiful rendition of ”Over the Rainbow” at the burial. Even Zane’s eyes had glistened suspiciously at that. No. I couldn’t. I was focusing on being strong for my kid. So now that I was away from her, now it all hit me, the tears were flowing down my face. I struggled to catch my breath. I didn’t know how long I stayed there sobbing for; it felt like a long time. Then my door was opened.
“Fuck,” a deep voice muttered.
I didn’t register the concern or anything else in the tone, only the familiarity of the arms that scooped me out of the car. I burrowed into Zane’s shoulder, clutching the sides of his cut. The smell of leather, oil and tobacco calmed me slightly.
“Take care of the car,” I heard him bark at someone.
Then he was carrying me. “They’re gone,” I stuttered in between sobs. “I didn’t realize it until now, gone—like never coming back,” I hiccupped, glancing up at him through tear-clouded eyes.
Zane stopped walking and gazed down. “You going to be good on the bike, babe?” he asked softly, nodding toward the curb.
I looked over to see his Harley sitting there and slowly understood his question. The whole time we had been together, I hadn’t been on his bike. The main reason was that up until recently our relationship hadn’t seen us together in the light of day, or even outside the bedroom. Plus, I couldn’t really forbid Lexie to go anywhere near a motorcycle, then ride off into the sunset on the back of one.
Zane seemed content to let me tick this over in my head. He gently set me on my feet, resting his hands at my waist as if to steady me. I moved my gaze from his bike to him. His face was hard and he was observing me with a blank gaze.