Out of the Ashes (Sons of Templar MC 3)

She raised her eyebrow. “Cutting yourself off from people you care about, people that care about you? That’s keeping her safe?” she said speculatively.

I sighed. “The shooting, the club. I can’t have that kind of shit happening to my kid. I’m her mom. I’m protecting her from that. The main job they give you when they hand you a kid is make sure it doesn’t die. That day I almost failed in that basic job.”

Lucy’s eyes softened. “Shit, babe. I don’t have a kid, so I don’t know what it’s like to love someone that much, to want to protect them from the world.” She paused, her eyes going far away for a second. “But that—what went down that day was once in a blue moon type crap.” She screwed her nose up. “No big, bad, biker males are gonna let that moon anywhere near their women again. They’d find a way to get up there and like beat the crap outta that moon if they had to.”

“They will try. But the club, the way they live their lives? Chances of that stuff happening when you’re connected with them, it grows,” I told her.

She looked at me a moment. “You’re right,” she said finally. “But most of the time the stuff worth having in life is the stuff that comes with the highest risk. Bet I could go my live without having kids, without findin’ a man to love ‘cause the risk of getting your heart broken skyrockets when you give it to someone else to look after.” She gave me a look. “I expect I could do that. You know, to protect myself from hurt. To protect my heart from dying. Problem is, if I did that, by protecting my heart from dying I’m also stopping it from living,” she said sagely. “Whatever your choice about the club, about a broken man who lives and breathes for you and your daughter, we’ll be here. If you let us back in.” She added the last part meaningfully. Something was working behind her eyes. Something that made me think her own advice had suddenly hit home. Most likely involving a very attractive man with an equally attractive accent.

I stared at her. “Holy shit,” I muttered. “You’re Yoda in Manolos.”

She laughed and it wasn’t delicate like I expected. It was throaty and I’m pretty sure there was a snort. Yoda did not snort.

She stood, giving my metallic jersey dress and sky high heels a once over. “I’m guessing you’ve got somewhere to be,” she guessed correctly. There was no judgment in her gaze. No silent “you crushed a man’s heart and are now going out with another, you man-eating bitch”, look. Just understanding. I stood and quickly hugged her, feeling lighter knowing I didn’t have to say goodbye to the friends who already meant a lot to me. “Thanks,” I told her hair.

She squeezed me before releasing me. “Cocktails tomorrow, all the girls. You’re there,” she ordered.

I nodded.

“You’re giving us the rundown on who you’re going on a date with. Then we can beat you silly for letting the other one go,” she declared.

There was no venom in her voice when she said it, but I felt a stab nonetheless. With an air kiss and a wink she was gone, and I was left standing in the middle of the room contemplating whether I had actually fucked my entire life up two months ago.

“Thanks,” I muttered across the car, my eyes glancing shyly at Clay. “That was fun,” I half lied.

The date wasn’t bad. He wasn’t fifteen minutes late… only five. He was charming and interesting to talk to and hot as hell. The food was good, as was the place he took me. But I found myself miserable and forcing down the stuff that I should’ve been savoring. The jokes I normally would have found funny had me laughing in a way that sounded fake, even to my own ears. I was putting on a terrible show because the whole time my mind was on Zane. And on Lucy’s words. “You’re a shitty liar, babe,” Clay’s throaty voice informed me, turning my chin with a gentle touch from his hand.

“Know you went through some shit,” he said, his gravelly voice somehow gentle. “Also know, even miserable, you’re fuckin’ different. Special. The kind of special I’m willing to wait for.” He paused. “So when you’re ready, call me. I’ll be waiting,” he murmured.

And before I knew it, his lips were on mine. They were soft, gentle and the kiss was nice. Nice in a way I knew I would enjoy had I not been broken in pieces. Nice in a way that I knew he’d make some woman very happy with his superior kissing skills, his manners, his hotness and his incredible perceptiveness. Not me, though. That didn’t mean I didn’t kiss him back. It was like auto kiss. I had no choice. When a hot, rough and gentle guy kisses you, your body takes over.

His mouth hovered over mine and I felt his eyes bore into me. “You need to get into the house now, babe,” he half growled. “Before I forget ‘bout being a gentleman.”

I jerked back slightly at the roughness of his tone and quickly undid my seatbelt. “Thanks for dinner,” I said quickly, hand on the door handle His hand caught my wrist before I could escape.

“Call me when you’re ready,” he ordered.

I nodded quickly. I’d never call him. No way I’d ever be ready.

He let me go, and I struggled not to sprint inside.

It had been a long day. Like marathon long. As usual, I was surviving off three hours of sleep and three hundred gallons of caffeine. My dreams were worse last night. I kept myself awake until the early hours, torturing myself over my decision. Lucy’s words echoed in my mind, convincing me I had fucked it all up and made the wrong choice. Then reason came back in and reminded me how hard I had worked to keep Lexie safe, and not to compromise it for matters of the heart. Round and round it went until I fell into an exhausted sleep. Then, I jolted awake from one of my nightmares, and I was so sure I saw him there, standing in the corner of my room, watching me. I closed my eyes again, wishing for it to be real; then when I opened them again he was gone. I was officially hallucinating. Which meant I was going insane. I just had to hold off until Lexie was old enough to look after herself, then I’d take the one way trip to crazy town. Crazy people didn’t get lonely. Down to their bones lonely like I was. They had voices to keep them company.