Whoa. Had I just gained the approval of someone who I suspected may or may not be an evil man? My question was answered when he bent down to kiss my cheek, gave me a firm nod then disappeared. I was so shocked I was pretty sure my mouth was wide open.
“What the fuck?” Amy sounded just as confused as I was. I grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the stairs.
“I will not even be attempting to figure out what just happened, my head is too full.”
We had spent the rest of the night hiding in Cade’s room. I had learnt that he and the boys were away doing something (I wouldn’t like to think what) and were not expected back for a long while. I had mixed feelings about this, one part of me was relieved. I had spent the day avoiding all thoughts about this morning, and I needed time to get my mind straight. I was scared, seeing Cade lose control like that reminded me a little too much of the violence that had been unleashed on me a year earlier. I didn’t want that to happen again. I was sure Cade wouldn’t hurt me, the look of disgust at himself this morning showed how much he obviously hated himself for his moment of anger. I loved him, a lot. I couldn’t just write off this incident though, seeing him that angry had been scary, but I knew he had a temper and it had been from worrying about me. I didn’t want to justify his behavior, but I knew how much he hated feeling powerless. Crap.
“Earth to Gwen.” Amy was staring at me looking slightly concerned.
“Sorry, Ames, was a million miles away,” I replied, hoping to sound breezy. I didn’t fool my BFF though.
“What happened with you and Cade this morning? I know it must have been serious, you’ve been off all day.”
I sighed, not wanting to lie to her. “We had a fight this morning, it got…intense,” I told her vaguely.
Her eyes flared in anger and she pushed up onto her elbows. “He didn’t hurt you did he? My threat still stands, I will de-ball that man, even if it would be a crime not to let the world see how beautiful your babies would be.”
My friend was protective, I knew she would want to get involved in this and I didn’t have the energy. “No he didn’t hurt me, he’s just protective. He didn’t want me going anywhere. I disagreed, it got heated. You know me, I hate being told what to do. It’ll be fine,” I tried to reassure her and myself at the same time.
Amy left not long after our talk about Cade, receiving a text from Rosie saying they could bunk together. Obviously whatever had happened with Brock had been serious and he didn’t want her in his room any more. I was infinitely curious about this, but Amy was locked tight and I didn’t want to push her.
I found it hard to find sleep, not having Cade next to me and not wanting this to be permanent, and then I questioned myself for yearning for Cade. I finally drifted off into a restless slumber, waking up and reaching for Cade. Sometime during the night I woke yet again, but this time I had firm arms wrapped around me and I was tucked into Cade’s chest. I looked up at him, groggy, trying to decide whether I was dreaming or not. He must have sensed my gaze because his arms tightened.
“Sleep baby,” his voice was rough.
Still half asleep I burrowed back into him, trying to get as close as I could. “I love you, Cade,” I whispered, feeling his body go tight around me, I drifted off before he could reply.
I woke to an empty bed. I looked around and deduced I was alone. Had I dreamt him? I sighed, trying to gather my thoughts and figure out the disaster that seemed to be my life. I felt sick about the way things were with Cade, he was out doing god knows what, obviously in danger and things were weird with us. I didn’t want that, no matter how out of hand things got yesterday, I couldn’t be without him. Period. If that made me a stupid woman who was blinded by love, then I guess I had better get used to those rose tinted glasses, cos I wasn’t going to bolt and spend the rest of my life wondering what if. Yeah a sensible man who wore a suit to work and had zero risk of coming home riddled with bullets was probably the best option. But that wasn’t me, unfortunately I wasn’t sensible. I did crazy shit, I needed a man that could handle that, handle me. And I needed Cade like I needed Chanel, so I would work something out. On that thought, my phone rang I reached to the nightstand, glanced at the display and answered.
“Hey Mum,” I greeted, happy to hear from my mother.
“Hi there sweetheart, not catching you at a bad time am I?”
I sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard. “No, I just woke up.”
“Oh that’s good dear, how are you? How’s Amy? How is your brother? Gosh I miss him, we hardly ever hear from him. The day he retires from the Army will be the day I sleep sounder,” she stated, sounding emotional after her quick-fire questions.
I sighed and set out to quell my mother’s worry, if that was humanely possible.
After a long conversation and a quick talk with my father who was a man of few words, I rang off feeling emotionally lighter. Talking with my family somehow made me feel better even if I hadn’t told them what was going on.
“I think I’m ready for a beer. Or five. And I need to sleep in my own bed, how long is this lockdown shit going to last? My patience is like worn the fuck out,” Amy complained collapsing on the couch at the store. It had been another busy day, and we were exhausted.