I pulled up to the clubhouse feeling nervous and nauseous. The words from our fight last night rang in my ears; Cade’s parting shots still causing me pain. I knew it was just because he was hurting, we could fix it. I walked through the door and my heels crunched on an empty beer can.
“Whoa,” I whispered.
They had definitely had a party last night. People were passed out on every available surface, booze bottles littered the floor and the room stank. I didn’t want to look at anything too closely even though I had become a bit more hardened to these kinds of things since becoming an Old Lady. I made it to the hallway to see Bull emerging from his room and weirdly a look of panic crossed over his face before he quickly masked it.
“Hey big man,” I chirped, trying to sound cheerful. “Looks like a big night, how’s the head? Cade sleeping it off?” I smiled at him putting one foot on the stairs.
The look crossed his face again and he ran a hand through his hair. “Sweetheart, Cade’s not here, he left out on a run early this morning. I’ll have him call you as soon as he gets back k?” His voice was strange and he kept glancing up at Cade’s closed door. I frowned at him, something was wrong. Oh god. He was up there with someone. I tasted bile. No. Cade wouldn’t do that.
“That’s okay, I’ll just wait in his room,” I told him firmly, needing to make sure.
Bull grabbed my arm lightly. “You don’t want to do that, Gwen,” he said softly.
Shit, that sick feeling came back, I struggled not to throw up on his shoes. I yanked my arm from his and raced up the stairs.
“Gwen!” he yelled after me, but I was already pulling the door open, preparing for my heart to shatter.
Cade sat up in bed slightly, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
“Baby?” he asked, voice husky.
I breathed a sigh of relief. He was alone, in his stupid messy bed. I moved to sit gingerly on the bed.
“I came to say I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said those things last night.”
Cade opened his mouth but I held up my hand to silence him.
“Let me talk. You see we’ve still got a lot to talk about, but I overreacted and said some nasty things I didn’t mean. The reason I blew up so much is because of hormones. You know those nasty ones you get when you’re pregnant? The freaking things magnify every emotion I’m feeling and may or may not turn me into a psychotic mess. And also make me crave Oreo sandwiches. So as long as you keep us in constant supply of Oreos for the next seven months or so, I may be able to stop you from having me committed.” I took a deep breath from my babbling and peeked through my lashes at my man sitting statue still, with an unreadable expression on his face.
“I’m having your baby Cade,” I told him quietly.
He gazed at me in shock and for a split-second I was worried. That was until he grinned so wide I thought his mouth might split open. I had never seen a look like the one of pure joy he was wearing at that moment. He reached for me but froze when the door to his bathroom opened. My head turned and my stomach dropped, Ginger leaned against the door jamb, wearing Cade’s tee and a nasty grin on her face.
“Well this is awkward,” she spat out of her vile mouth, smirking.
I looked between her and Cade, horrified and heartbroken. I ran to the door, hoping I didn’t vomit on the way out.
“Gwen!” I heard Cade roar.
I was already halfway down the stairs, tears rolling down my face. I stumbled at the last few and almost fell, but Bull was there to catch me.
“Whoa, Gwennie, it’s okay,” he told me with pity and fury in his eyes.
I yanked myself away from him, stumbling, surprised I was even still upright. I turned away from Bull and ran towards the exit, focusing on getting away from this place before Cade caught me, before I had to look at him. The father of my baby. The love of my life. The man who fucked someone else on the same night he told me he killed Jimmy. The pain of betrayal and my heart breaking was sharp and almost caused me to double over. I heard Cade crashing down the stairs and struggling with Bull. The ringtone of my phone pierced my emotional fog, I retrieved it from my purse. It was Mum, again. She had tried to call me about three times since this morning.
I picked it up. “Mum, I can’t talk right now, I’m trying not to commit double homicide…” I gritted out, deciding anger might work best for me as I stumbled into the parking lot.
I heard Cade yelling behind me. I intended to run for my car until my mother’s choked voice on the other end phone, saturated in grief brought me to a standstill.
“Gwen, it’s Ian. Ian’s dead,” she cried into the phone.
She might have continued speaking, but I couldn’t hear through the roar in my ears.
“No,” I whispered.
This couldn’t be happening, this wasn’t real. There is no way Ian could be dead. That was impossible. The sobs at the end of the phone told me different.
“No!” I screamed, jerking the phone from my ear and hurling it at the wall in front of me. I didn’t react as it smashed against the brick. Pain, like nothing I’d ever felt before slashed through every fiber of my being. I thought I knew about pain, having been as close to death as I had. But I knew nothing. Nothing. Jimmy breaking my ribs with his steel cap boots? A feather touch. My skull being broken when it hit concrete floor? A gentle kiss. My cheek opening when a ring tore through the skin? A cool breeze. They were nothing compared to the agony I was going through at this moment. I heard people calling my name around me but I couldn’t see through the pain, I couldn’t breathe through the pain. I collapsed just as strong arms caught me. Nothing registered.