“Hmmph excuses, excuses.” Elliot rolled his eyes at me before rejoining the men, a couple glaring in my direction. I blew them all kisses, turned back to Cade and Amy.
“It’s still a sensitive subject,” I explained.
“How long ago did this happen?” Amy asked grinning.
“Oh about six years ago,” I deadpanned and Amy burst out laughing.
Cade just gave me a look before he pulled my in for a kiss.
“Looks like you’ve been holding out on me and the boys Gwen,” Cade whispered, eyes twinkling.
“Oh just you wait biker boy, I’ll whip all your asses once I get this little sucker out,” I told him, deciding it was time to put some of those cocky assholes in their place.
I waited for Amy and Cade to laugh, or even smile. It was a joke, I thought I was pretty funny, but their faces turned serious and I was met with silence. I felt like Ben Stiller doing stand up.
Cade cleared his throat, an intense expression on his face. “You planning on coming home to Amber then Gwen?” he asked softly.
Realization dawned, my offhand comment had been given these guys a much-needed clue as to my plans for the future. Was I going back to Amber? This place, this town was my home, it always would be. It held a huge chunk of my heart, contained people who I loved, respected, grew up with. It had been an amazing place to grow up, somewhere where I had no worries, the horrors and reality of the world outside rarely touched me here. I had always thought I would eventually come back here and raise a family. But in my mind that was always someday. It was way in the future, an undedicated date I had given little thought to. A twenty something girl living a glamorous lifestyle in New York barely thinks of the future, apart from wondering about Louis Vuitton’s next handbag collection. But this was now. Not someday vaguely in the future, and I had a lot of other people to consider in this decision, not just myself. As much as the idea of staying here, where nothing ever changed, or would change, appealed to me, I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay in the place where every day I would have to drive down the road where Ian and I would have four wheeler races, drink in the pub he bought me my first legal beer, take my child to the school where he and I had gone. It would shatter me.
“Yeah,” I replied quietly. “I’m coming home.”
I woke up for the second morning to be encased in Cade’s arms, my back snug to his chest, his arm protectively cradling my belly. I instantly felt it. Different. For the first time in two months, I didn’t feel like a thousand pound weight was pressing down on my chest, making me almost physically unable to get out of bed, to face the day. I felt happy. Then I felt guilt. So strong it washed over me like nausea, settling in my stomach. A tear rolled down my cheek and I held my body taught trying to stop myself from shaking with silent sobs.
Cade’s arms tightened around me. “Gwen? What is it? Are you okay?”
He flipped me on my back, hovering above me, worried eyes searching my face. I looked at him a beat then burst into tears. He sat back on the bed pulling me into his arms, I buried my face into his shoulder and tried to stop, but the tears kept coming. Cade rubbed my back.
“It’s okay baby.”
I didn’t say anything for a while, my emotions churned through me, rendering me speechless. How could I talk if I didn’t even know what I was feeling?
Cade pulled me back slightly, to meet my no doubt tear stained eyes.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked softly.
I bit my lip. My silence, my denial had been the only thing keeping me together the past two months. “I woke up, with you, after last night having such an amazing day with you, and a night with my friends and family. I woke up and I was happy.” I hiccupped. “But how can I be happy? My brother’s dead. His life is over. I’ll never see him again, and now I feel so guilty for being happy because he’s gone.” My voice broke on the last word. “I’ve been trying so hard to be strong, for Mum, for Amy, for Dad and for the baby.” My breath caught, I tried to calm myself.
Cade yanked me up so I was straddling him, his hands framing my face.
“You don’t need to be strong baby. I’ve got you. I’m going to take care of you and our Bun.” One of his hands moved to my stomach. “You’re going to be happy and you aren’t going to feel guilty about it, because one day you’re going to realize all your brother wanted in this world was for you to be safe and happy, and he wouldn’t want you stopping living your life because you were clinging onto his.”
His grey eyes searched mine, he looked strong, determined, like he would do anything for me.
“I love you so much,” I whispered.
“Love you too baby.” His hand pulled me down to his mouth and he slowly kissed me, hands running up to my breasts, caressing them.
I moaned, deepening our kiss, craving him, needing our connection. He roughly squeezed my nipple, sending a rush of heat between my legs. I rubbed myself against his growing erection, both of us already naked. His hand moved between us to my clit. I gripped his shoulders hard as his circled it with his thumb.
“Cade,” I whimpered.
“Come for me baby,” he growled, eyes never leaving mine.
I cried out as my orgasm rushed over me. Cade didn’t let it stop as he thrust in from underneath me while I was riding the last wave. He grabbed my neck pulling our foreheads together. His mouth met mine for a frenzied kiss before he moved to my nipple, sucking it. The sensation shot through my sensitized breasts and I shuddered.