Before I Die

“I woke up without you,” Ethan murmurs into my ear—the disappointment in his voice making me smile.

“I wanted to make breakfast. I was thinking maybe we could do something today.” When he doesn’t say anything, instead nuzzling his face into my hair and planting kisses on my neck, I add, “I know there’s still a threat, but maybe we could bring some of your men and I don’t know… just get out of here.”

When I got home last night, I crossed out Learn to play cards. I still have an entire list of things I want to do and not enough time.

“We can figure something out,” Ethan says, stepping away from me. The warmth from his body leaves mine, and I want to beg him to come back. “Have anything in mind?”

I toss the last pancake onto the plate and turn the oven off, thinking about my list. A few of the items I can’t do yet, like get married or become a mom. It’s beautiful outside, so I can’t dance or get kissed in the rain. We could go skinny-dipping, but we’re not there yet. Skydiving or going up in a hot air balloon would need to be reserved…

“We could go get tattoos,” I blurt out, and Ethan laughs. “Or, I mean…” I try to think what else is on my list. “Go shooting.” I flinch when I process what I just said. Stephen was killed by a gun, and now the idea of learning to shoot isn’t as appealing. “Or swim with sharks.”

Ethan’s laugh turns into a full-on belly laugh. “That’s quite a list,” he says, his eyes meeting mine. “While we’re at it, why don’t we go skinny-dipping and get a couple piercings?”

Motherfucker! I mean, effer. No! I had it right the first time. Motherfucker! He did see my list. “You saw it!” I accuse, and his eyes widen.

“I’m starved,” he says, snatching the plate from me and setting it on the table.

“Don’t change the subject. You saw my list.”

“What list?” Andrew asks, walking into the kitchen and joining his wife at the breakfast bar. He kisses the top of her head and grabs a piece of bacon, popping it into his mouth.

Not wanting to explain, I shrug and play it off. “Just a list of things I’d like to do.”

Everyone piles the food onto their plates silently. I’m worried the entire breakfast will be awkwardly silent, until Raquel speaks.

“I’m sorry for leaving… for running.” Her eyes meet Ethan’s and he stills in his seat. My hand reaches over and I squeeze his knee, hoping to comfort him. It must work because he sighs softly and his body relaxes.

“I was heartbroken over what happened with Kelsi and the baby, and I reacted.”

“You already had one foot out the door,” he says.

“You’re right. I did,” she admits. “I shouldn’t have run. I should’ve fought harder, for my husband, for my son.”

“You would’ve lost,” Andrew says. “You did what you had to do to feel safe.” He covers his wife’s hand with his own. “You asked me to go legit and I didn’t listen. But I’m listening now, mi amor.” He kisses her lips and my heart picks up speed. I want what they have. The love and connection.

“Just like that?” Ethan asks, but his tone isn’t accusing like it was last night. Instead it’s curious. “Twelve years she’s been gone and you two are acting like she never even left.”

“Life is too short,” Andrew says. “I spent the last twelve years making plenty of money, but I never found the love I had with your mother. My only regret is that I didn’t go to her sooner. No amount of money or success is worth a damn if you don’t have someone to share it with.”

Andrew lets go of Raquel’s hand and leans toward Ethan. “I was wrong, Son. I taught you that money and power come first. And when your mom left, I was so stuck on my pride, I didn’t show you what a real man would do in that situation. I should’ve chased after her, begged her to come home. I should’ve given up my businesses. I should’ve chosen your mother. It’s twelve years too late, but I am choosing your mom.”

Ethan’s and my eyes connect.

I choose you. I’ll always choose you.

“It’s not too late,” Raquel says to her husband. “Too late would be if one of us weren’t here, but we are, and we have a second chance.” She turns to Ethan. “And I hope you and I can have a second chance as well.”

Ethan nods once and then clears his throat. “I think that can be arranged.” Then he says to me, “Breakfast was delicious. Why don’t you go take a shower while I clean up and then we’ll head out?”

“Sounds perfect.” I jump from my seat and kiss his cheek. I’m not sure which item on the list we’re going to do, but the prospect of doing any of them has me excited.