Before I Die

He looks up and there are tears in his eyes.

“What happened?” I rush over to him and he sets whatever he’s holding on the desk and then pulls me into his lap. I twist to see what he was looking at and am shocked by what I see.

“Is that…”

“The ultrasound picture of my daughter? Yeah. She died twelve years ago, today, and this is the only picture I have of her. It was from the checkup when we found out she was a girl.”

“Oh, Ethan!” I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight. I’ve been so wrapped up in everything in my life, I didn’t even stop to ask him about the details of his.

“I was sitting here thinking about her and Kelsi… and you.”

I nod, holding my breath, waiting for him to explain.

“After Kelsi and I lost our baby, I had her buried. A tiny little casket buried in the earth in a small cemetery. My mom had already left and Kelsi was nowhere to be found. My dad insisted I do it, said I would regret it one day if I didn’t lay her to rest. So, standing with a priest in front of her open grave was just me and my dad. The priest gave his rehearsed speech about losing a child and then he and my father gave me time with her before they lowered her into the ground.

“While I was sitting there, on the grass, cursing God and the world, a woman walked over to the tombstone next to my daughter’s. She laid a bushel of flowers down and kissed the marble. I noticed the dates were close together. She had lost her daughter when she was only a few weeks old.”

I tighten my arms around Ethan, wanting to comfort him, but I don’t say a word. It’s the first time he’s told me about any of this, and I don’t want him to stop.

“She told me she was sorry for my loss and I reciprocated. Then she took my hand in hers and told me that God has a plan for each one of us and one day I would understand why things happen the way they do.”

Ethan pauses for a long moment, as if he’s remembering what happened. His eyes widen and he swallows thickly before he clears his throat. “Anyway, I didn’t get it then, but I get it now… I would give anything to have my daughter alive, but the events that happened led us to right here, right now. They led me to you.”

“Oh, Ethan,” I choke out, unable to speak with the large lump in my throat.

Ethan takes a deep breath. “I lost my way, Angel, but in finding you, I also found myself. I know you’re having trouble finding your way back to God. You’re struggling with what to believe in… So, while you’re figuring it all out, how about I believe enough for the both of us? Just until you find your way back.”

Closing my eyes, I bury my face into Ethan’s neck and release the sob that was threatening to break free. “Shh… It’s okay,” he says, rubbing my back. “I’ll be strong enough for both of us, baby.”

“That’s actually why I came in here,” I tell him, pulling back so I can look him in the eyes. “I’m ready to be strong. I am strong. I want to live hard and love harder.”

Ethan nods, but his brows are furrowed together in confusion.

“I threw my list away. You were right. It’s time I live for me… for us… in the moment. And not because I might die from a brain tumor or during surgery, but because we only get one life on Earth, and in this life, I met the most amazing man whom I love more than words can describe. I want to live this life with you.”

Ethan’s lips curl into a beautiful smile. “And I want to live this life with you.” He frames my cheeks with his hands. “Now, tell me, baby, how do you want to live?”

I glance around the room and spot an eccentric piece of art on his wall. It’s a puzzle of the United States. Climbing out of his lap, I walk over to it and Ethan follows. “I’m going to close my eyes and point, and wherever it lands, we’re going to travel to.”

“Now?”

“Yep. Now. There’s no time like the present.”

Ethan chuckles. “Go for it.”

Ethan

Nevaeh is the same woman who kissed me in my club. The same woman I took from Logan’s home and brought to my dad’s beach house. She’s the same woman I fell in love with—said ‘I do’ to, yet she’s different. Her smile is brighter, her eyes are softer. She’s content—happy.

And so am I.

The last thing I needed was to spend more time away from the club and my business, if anything I needed to spend more time there. But when she closed her eyes and pointed at the map, landing on Florida, I knew there was nothing that would keep me from getting in the car and driving away with her. Luckily, my parents had offered to step in and keep an eye on the club and run things while we’re away. I rented a comfortable SUV since I only have my sports car, we packed a couple bags, and hit the road.