If not—
Well, that’s why I have a cover up.
I place it in my suitcase.
“Fuck, that’s better.” Luna rolls onto her side. “Holden is going to be into it.”
My cheeks flush. “We’re just…”
“Oliver might believe you invited Holden to keep him distracted, but I know.”
It’s true. Luna knows everything. And I mean everything. We’ve been best friends forever. She’s seen every ugly phase in my life. And she’s been my shoulder for many, many why doesn’t he like me girl talk sessions. “I’m over it.”
“Uh-huh.” She laughs. “And I’m never eating chocolate again. In fact.” She rolls off the bed, digs through her giant hot pink purse, brandishes a bar of eight-five percent.
The girl doesn’t mess around.
When she wants something, she grabs it.
Her chocolate is the darkest, her coffee is the strongest, her taste in men—
Well, I try not to think about that. Lest she remind me how hot my brother is.
Or, God forbid, my dad.
“You want?” She breaks off a square. Cuts it in half with her teeth.
I shake my head. I can’t go there right now.
“Because…” She raises a brow, inviting me to explain.
But there’s nothing to say. She knows I carefully avoid triggers. Yes, I’d like to be a normal teenager who can eat a square of chocolate without contemplating deeper meanings. Maybe, one day, I’ll be there.
Right now—
I’m at a healthy weight. I’m eating three meals a day. I’m focusing on college.
I’m not quite free, but I’m not trapped either.
For one fucking week, I want to forget about the cage, about my history, about how hard I try to avoid calling foods good or bad.
I want to be normal.
Is that so much to ask?
“Can we please not?” I take a deep breath. “For one week?”
“Of course.” Luna’s eyes fill with regret. She blinks and shakes it off. “I know you get enough from Ollie.”
“Thanks.” I rearrange my suitcase. High-waisted blue shorts. White crop top. Peach wrap dress. Blue sundress. Pastel pink bikini. All stretchy. Thank God for elastic. I still can’t handle clothes that pinch.
There. That’s better. Neater.
There’s something about organizing things. I take control of one small part of the universe. Turn chaos into order.
Prove I’m in control of something.
“Daisy?” Luna’s voice is soft. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I am okay. Maybe I’m not better than okay, but I am okay. “I do like Holden. But—”
“You invited him to visit another country to celebrate your eighteenth birthday.” She takes a square of chocolate. Bites off half. “Don’t try to sell me this oh, I just want my friend there, I’m not trying to offer him some barely legal action thing.”
“Oh my God.”
“You’ve heard him and Oliver talk.” She raises a brow. Tosses the rest of the chocolate into her mouth. “He’s thinking it.”
“He doesn’t—”
“Sorry, Daisy, I know it makes you uncomfortable, but you’re a hottie.”
My cheeks flame red. It’s hard to believe. No, impossible.
I can see the evidence—I’m tall, blonde, somewhere between slim and curvy—but I’m not there yet.
“You really… filled in.” Luna laughs. She turns to the mirror. Combs her platinum blond hair behind her ear. “You could get some serious cleavage going.” She leans over, checking out her cleavage potential. “And you have a butt now too.”
“Oh my God.”
“I’m not bringing it up—”
“Thank you.”
“But the boobs suit you. And they’re nice. You have any idea the shit I heard after you left my birthday party?” She refers to a party from last year.
I believe her, but I don’t want to know what the guys from our old high school said about my body. At all. I clear my throat.
She laughs. “They were interested.”
It’s possible. I have filled in. A lot of the weight I gained went to my hips, thighs, butt, boobs.
Luna is much more gifted in this area. Incredibly gifted, actually.
I was jealous once. Now…
I’m just glad I’m healthy.
“If you’re not ready, that’s okay,” she says.
“Good.”
“But if you are ready, I’m going to make sure you get laid.”
“Why do you care?”
“It’s my birthday present to you.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Can I request a different present?”
“If you want to be super rude.” She laughs. “And forgot all your manners.”
“You don’t care about manners.”
“You do.” She tosses a tight dress into my suitcase. “This trip, I’m yours. If you want to ditch the boys and get wasted, I’ll make it happen. If you want to swim with dolphins, I’ll make it happen.”
“You’ll find dolphins?” I ask.
She raises a brow. “You doubt me?”
“That you can find actual dolphins? Four years on swim team don’t make you a dolphin finder.”
“But they give me this.” She motions to her broad shoulders. She used to complain about them. After last year… she’s really good about keeping body talk to a minimum. “I can scour the entire Pacific finding you dolphins.”
My smile spreads a little wider. “It takes up half the globe.”