I keep my eyes on my legs. “Why?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I shouldn’t let him talk about you like that.”
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re a virgin,” he says.
“But why don’t you want Dean talking about me like that?”
He sits next to me. His fingertips trail over the backs of my hands. “You’re barely eighteen.”
“So?”
He draws a star on the back of my hand. “Look at me, Kay.”
I shake my head.
He peels my hands off my knees. Takes one between his thumb and his palm and runs his thumb over my fingers.
I force myself to look him in the eyes. “If you’re going to tell me I’m a sweet girl, you can leave now.”
“It’s not an insult.”
“It feels like it. Like I’m a puppy.”
“You’re not. Puppies are energetic.”
I can’t help but laugh. And flip him off.
“You’re more like a cat. Independent. Smart. Patient.”
“Moody and difficult?”
“No.” He moves closer. “It doesn’t matter if you’re a virgin. No one cares.”
“I care.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Fuck you.”
“It wouldn’t be hard for you to find a guy to fuck.”
“How do you know?” My temper flares. He’s such a fucking know it all. “Maybe I haven’t slept with anyone because no one wants me.”
“Bullshit. Every guy in that room would kill for a chance with you.”
“Kill who?”
“Me. That’s the only way it would happen.” His eyes bore into mine. “You’re fucking irresistible, Kaylee.”
“But you…” You’re resisting me just fine even with all the illicit things you want to do to me.
I’ve seen your journal.
I know how you think of me.
I…
I stare back at him. “Do you mean you…” My voice is soft. Barely a whisper. “Do you want me?”
He plants his palm against my check. Wipes a stray tear with his thumb. “It doesn’t matter. I’m your guardian. That’s it.”
“What if you weren’t?”
“I am.”
“But what if that didn’t matter? What if we were just two people who wanted each other? If I had my own place and my own life?” I lean into his touch. “Would you want me then?”
Chapter Eighteen
Brendon
There’s vulnerability in Kaylee’s green eyes.
No matter what I say, my answer is going to break her.
I don’t want you.
I want you, but we can’t be together.
She presses her fingertips into her knees. Her eyes stay fixed on mine.
They demand an answer.
God, I wish I could tell her what she wants to hear.
I wish we lived in some alternate universe where this could happen.
“Brendon.” Her voice is shaky. “I’m not leaving until you answer.”
“You’re my best friend, Kay.”
She stares back at me as if to say and?
“If a million things were different, yeah. But they’re not. Why focus on what ifs?”
“But you… you want to be with me.” She sits up straighter. “You want to fuck me.”
“If you were some girl I knew, one who wanted me, then yeah, I’d fuck you.”
“But you… do you want it now?”
Fuck yeah.
Let’s go home now.
Straight to my room.
I’ll strip you out of that dress.
Pin you to my bed.
Teach you every fucking thing you need to know.
Her voice gets firm. Confident. “You must have bet Dean for a reason. Because you like the idea of me as a virgin.”
“No. It didn’t mean anything.”
That’s bullshit.
I fucking love that Kaylee is a virgin. I love the idea of being the first person inside her. Of my name being the first on her lips. Of my hand being the first on her ass.
It’s not because I’m hot for virgins.
It’s because it’s Kay. Because she’s an angel. Because she’s sweet. Because I want to watch her bloom in every fucking way she can.
“It doesn’t matter, Kay. We can’t.” I take her hand and pull her to her feet. “Get the thought out of your head.”
“What if it won’t go?”
“It will. It just takes time.” I take a step backward. I can’t lie to her. Not when she’s looking at me with those gorgeous green eyes. “Forget about me. Find another guy. One you actually want to be with.”
“But I…” Her eyes turn down. She wraps her arms around her chest. “I need to get my purse.”
“I will. Stay here.”
She nods.
I move back into the shop.
Everyone—save Ryan and Dean—is sitting on the benches. Staring at me like I’m holding a hundred-thousand-dollar vase.
Emma glares at me. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“Why would you bet Dean about that?” Emma grabs Kaylee’s pink purse as she pushes herself to her feet.
“We get bored. Look for stuff to do.” More bullshit.
Walker shoots me an incredulous look.
I shoot him a shut the fuck up.
Leighton shakes her head I don’t think so, but Emma doesn’t notice.
My sister moves toward the door. “I’ll take her home.” She grabs the door. “I’m tired anyway.”
I nod. “You okay walking?”
“It’s only five blocks.” Emma steps outside without glancing in my direction. Pure cold shoulder.
Walker shakes his head. “You’re lucky Ryan didn’t hear that.” He looks to Leighton for support.