Holding Onto Forever

Her friend returns with some food and that reminds me that Kyle still owes me dinner. “Where’s Kyle? Do you know? He was supposed to take me out to dinner.”

Neither lady answers me and it’s starting to make me mad that they’re ignoring me. Why can’t they see me standing here next to them? I can see them and hear everything they’re saying yet they act like I’m not even in the room.

“Did you give her a bath?”

“Not really,” Jenna says. “I cleaned up the blood and braided her hair. I don’t want that to be the first thing her mom sees, ya know.”

“You’re a good nurse, Jenna.”

She smiles at her friend with tears in her eyes. The other nurse goes to the book that lies on the counter and makes a note. Again, I try to see what it says, but everything is blurry. It doesn’t make sense because I have perfect eyesight.

My dad, Elle, and Quinn walk by the large window of my room. I go to them, desperate to feel their arms around me, but my dad looks right through me.

“Dad… Elle… Quinn…?” but they don’t say anything. In fact, they ignore me like everyone else has been doing this entire time.

I stand in front of Elle and look at my twin. She’s so beautiful. Tears stream down her face and her hand covers her heart. Does she know that I’m not in pain?

There’s an audible gasp and I turn to see my dad in the doorway. Elle now stands next to him with her hand covering her mouth. She almost falls to her knees but my dad holds her upright.

“Mr. James,” the doctor stops speaking when he looks at Elle.

“This is Peyton’s twin.”

He nods. “I’m Dr. Stevens. I operated on your daughter when she was brought in by ambulance.”

“Is she going to be okay?” my dad asks, but the doctor shakes his head.

“As we said on the phone, we don’t expect her to make it through the night. She suffered severe trauma when the truck collided with her side of the car. We’ve operated, but the damage was extensive. I’m sorry,” he says, resting his hand on my dad’s shoulder.

My sister collapses even though Quinn tries to catch her he’s unable to. She cries loudly while my brother tries to console her.

“Just like our father,” she screams loudly in between sobs. “Just like our father.”

4

Noah

From the moment I was told that Peyton had been in a car accident until now, everything has moved in incredibly slow motion. The details are fuzzy and each time my dad tries to reach Harrison, his calls are going to voicemail. The worry in my dad and Grandma’s eyes is evident.

All I can think about is the time we lost Mason. His death changed everything. My father returned to Beaumont after learning Mason had died. They were best friends growing up until my dad made a life-changing decision. I suppose that you can say his decision was for the best or maybe it was wrong, depending on how you look at it, but it was right for my parents. They needed the separation to grow and find themselves individually. Everyday since my dad’s return, I have witnessed his undying love for my mom. They have the type of relationship I want, the kind where it doesn’t matter how your day is going, the moment you see that person, you know everything is going to be better.

My problem is that I don’t know when I’ll know. It’s like I’m waiting for a flash of lightning or for the sky to open up and cast a rainbow that leads me to the one. My mom speaks of soul mates and one true loves, and why wouldn’t she? One look and you can see that my parents are smitten with each other. They’re ridiculous, acting like teenagers all the time, always embarrassing Paige.

Paige, or Little B as I like to call her, is nestled into my side, fast asleep. The tears she cried earlier were for Peyton. Paige loves Elle and Peyton. They used to babysit her.

Telling my coach that I was leaving didn’t go well with him or Dessie for that matter. I promised coach I wouldn’t miss practice and I intend to keep that promise. If it meant I had to travel back and forth between Portland and Chicago, I would do it. There was no way I wouldn’t be there when Peyton woke up… because for me there is no other alternative.

Dessie, on the other hand, didn’t understand why I needed to go in the first place. The problem is that this conversation took place in front of my dad, sister, and grandmother. I don’t think she meant to sound rude or insensitive, but that’s how her words came off and what Bianca heard. If Dessie thought my grandmother didn’t like her before, she can pretty much guarantee that’s the case now.