Holding Onto Forever

Quinn starts humming. The sound is soothing. Not only to me but our mother as well. She finally stands with the help of our dad and returns to the chair that seems to be glued to the floor next to my bed. He stands behind her with his hands resting on her shoulders and his eyes staring down at me. Elle and Quinn are on the other side of my bed. She holds my hand, while his hand rests on my leg.

I’m at the end of my bed, wondering if this is my moment. Is Elle right? Can she feel me dying? I don’t feel any different now then I have since I’ve been here.

“How’s our girl?” Jenna the nurse walks in and immediately squeezes by Quinn and Elle to access the machines I’m plugged into. She pushes a few buttons, writes notes in my chart, and studies the printout, which spits out of one the monitors. I stand next to her, trying to decipher whatever it is she’s looking at. “No change,” she mumbles.

That’s good, right?

I look at my family with an expectant smile, but either they didn’t hear her or they don’t believe her.

“You’re a fighter.” My nurse brushes my hair. “If you’d like, I can redress her wounds.” Mom nods and Dad helps her out of the chair. My siblings follow, leaving me alone with Jenna. “You have a lot of family waiting for you out in the waiting room. I can’t imagine they’ll leave here tonight, not knowing… just like I’m not leaving. I know I said I would once your mom arrived, but I can’t.”

Jenna cleans and redresses the wound on my scalp before she pulls the blankets down that have been keeping my chest hidden from everyone.

“You’ll have a scar,” she says this as if it’s something I don’t already know. “But surviving what you did… well, I think you’d be okay with it like this.”

Once she has it cleaned and covered my wounds, she dresses me in a new nightgown. It’s my second one, and I haven’t been here very long.

“I’ve watched your family. They love you. Your dad pulled a lot of strings to make sure everyone was allowed in the waiting room. Everyone out there is waiting for you to wake up, for you to defy what the doctors say. What a miracle you’d be.”

Once I’m dressed, she pulls the blankets back up and makes sure the wires protruding from my body aren’t constricted in any way. I sit, crossed legged on the bed, watching her care for me as if she’s known me her whole life and not hours. I hope that I get the chance to thank her… if I remember any of this when I wake.

“All the nurses are going crazy because of your family. Who knew you were rock star royalty? I think more nurses are pulling overtime so they can sit and stare at your dad and uncles. What was it like growing up with them?”

“The best.” It’s true. Many think that we’re spoiled, Noah, Quinn, Elle and I, even Eden and Paige. It’s so far from the truth. Sure, our mothers could’ve sent us to private school. We could’ve been chauffeured around like brats. Had a maid service, landscapers, everything else our peers have, but our parents refused to let money dictate our lives. Quinn and Noah mowed lawns. I worked at an ice cream shop until I graduated. Elle worked at the mall. I don’t know much about what Eden does, aside from the surfing career she’s building, because she lives in California, and Betty Paige… well, she’s still too young to work.

I look at some of my friends in the entertainment circle and realize that they had everything handed to them. They don’t know the value of hard work or what it’s like to earn money from doing a job. Sure, we have our trust funds, but that doesn’t mean we’re idly waiting for the day to come so we can cash them in.

“The young man you were with. He’s been asking about you, but is afraid to come see you,” she says as her hands brush down over the blanket, tucking me in.

“It’s because of his lawyer. I was there, listening to them talk. I’d like to see Kyle. He seemed really nice and I was excited for dinner.”

“Maybe your parents will let him in.”

“Let who in?”

I turn to find my dad stepping into my room. He stands at the end of my bed and rests his hands on the edge. “Who do we need to let in?” he asks again.

Jenna clears her throat. “The man she was in the car with. He’d like to see her.”

Dad nods but otherwise, doesn’t say anything. If I could tell him that Kyle isn’t at fault, maybe I could see him, but the expression on my dad’s face tells me otherwise. I’m willing to bet Kyle is being blamed for everything.