Holding Onto Forever

When I first met Dessie, I was attracted to her. There’s no doubt she’s beautiful. She was wild though, and I’ve never been one to play around in the party scene. My body is my temple sort of thing. I caught her once snorting coke, and threatened to leave. Dessie promised it would never happen again, and to my knowledge, it hadn’t until I left for Chicago. Thinking back though, we’re not with each other when we travel, so how the hell do I know if she’s doing it or not. Either way, I can’t tolerate it. I refuse to.

I undress as quickly as I can and hit the shower. I’d love to go home, but leaving before Coach has another opportunity to ream me out wouldn’t be wise. I deserve the ass chewing, but he knows where my mind is right now. I warned him.

As soon as I’m out of the shower, I hit the trainer’s room. He motions for me to hop up on the table, and once I do, he starts giving my aching muscles a rub down.

“I heard what happened out there,” he says as he works the kinks out of my calf.

“I have a lot of shit going on right now.”

“You know I used to be a bartender so I think there’s some underlying rule in place that allows you to open up.”

I chuckle and sigh. “My best friend was the passenger in the car accident Zimmerman was in. She’s in a coma back in Chicago and I’m stuck here.”

He pauses and looks like he’s about to tell me something important. Everyone knows about Zimmerman’s accident, it’s the talk of the league right now. “I saw a press conference, I think she’s awake or improving.”

I bolt upright, startling him. “What did you say? When?”

“Yesterday, I think it was. They said she’s…”

He doesn’t have a chance to finish his sentence because I’m running from his room back to the locker room. Grabbing my phone, it falls from my hand as my other one desperately tries to keep my towel cinched at my waist, which is near impossible. I drop the towel as I bend to scoop up my phone and sit on the cold leather chair.

I press my mother’s number. Voicemail.

I try my father. Voicemail.

Quinn is next. Voicemail.

Pressing Elle’s name, the phone rings on the other end. She answers on the fourth ring. “Hey, Noah.”

“Hey, Noah? Is that what you have to say to me?” I ask her.

“Um…”

“How about, ‘Oh shit, Noah we forgot to call and tell you Peyton is awake!’” I scream so loudly my body temperature rises. “How could you not call me?”

“I thought someone else would’ve called. I mean your parents–”

“Right. I’m sure it never crossed your mind to find out if I knew. Instead, I have to find out from my trainer.”

Elle sighs. “You know what, Noah? Not everything is about you right now. Yes, someone should’ve called you, but our sister woke up and we’ve been trying to make her feel better about herself. When did you become so damn selfish?”

Tears drip down my face. Both out of excitement because Peyton is awake, and also out of anger because Elle is right. I am selfish. Everything going on with Peyton isn’t about me. I’m not the only one who loves and cares about her. “You’re right, I’m sorry, Elle. I’m just–”

“You’re just like us. You’re worried and scared, and I’m sorry no one called. But yes, Peyton is awake. She actually woke up twice yesterday and I missed both times. Once was the middle of the night and the other time was when I was picking Ben up from the airport.” I’m not shocked Ben is there. He’s been Elle’s best friend since high school. They have a similar relationship to what Peyton and I have or had up until recently. It makes me wonder what’s changed between us, aside from Dessie.

“Who was with her?”

“Quinn. He actually hasn’t left her side.”

I clear my throat. “How is she?”

Elle sighs. “Honestly, not good. It seems that the doctor was so sure she wasn’t going to make it he didn’t cast her leg or arm. We’ve been moving her arm so much that we’ve likely caused more damage. Her leg… well, he has to go in and re-break it so it can set right, same with her arm,” Elle pauses and tells someone she’s speaking with me. “He also has to fix her stitches. God, Noah, this asshole–”

“Your parents will take care of him, Elle, you focus on Peyton. Keep her spirits up. When’s her surgery?”

“I don’t know, they haven’t said.”

“Are my parents still there?”

“No, they left this morning. Along with Jimmy and Jenna. The girls have to get back to school.”

“I’ll be there on Sunday, after my game.”

“Where exactly are you going now, Westbury?”