“What’s that?”
“Tomorrow, you’re out of here!” He throws his hands up in the air.
“No way… wait, why are you telling me?”
“Well, it seems your mom and sister are packing up your room, and your dad is making the necessary arrangements to fly us back to California.”
“Well, this is great.” I try to smile, but by the look on his face, I’m not fooling anyone.
“Wanna tell me what’s wrong?”
“I’m in love with someone who doesn’t or can’t love me back,” I blurt out, only to feel a bit of relief. Maybe talking about Noah is the right thing to do.
“Noah?”
I nod. “He told me he loves me but he’s with Dessie and I don’t understand, except I do because she’s pregnant, but if you love someone…”
“You’re supposed to set them free or whatever. I know how you feel, Peyton. Believe me, I really do.”
“Because you love my sister?”
His eyes go wide, nodding slowly. It’s not like any of us haven’t figured it out, except for Elle. She seems to be blind or completely obtuse when it comes to Ben. It stinks because we love Ben, and we want them together.
I scoot over and invite Ben to sit next to me. He does, stretching his long legs out in front of him. Even sitting like this, I feel like a shrimp next to him. “Your sister is seeing someone. I don’t know who because she won’t tell me.”
“How do you know?”
“When I’m here, visiting you, she’ll leave me for a bit, upwards to an hour or so. At first, I thought she was visiting you, but that wasn’t the case. She’s hiding her phone too, being secretive.”
“Elle hasn’t really visited much since I’ve been awake. Quinn says she’s nervous around me, that the accident freaked her out.”
“You guys have that weird twin thing going on, she probably felt some of your pain.”
I hadn’t thought about of it that way, but he’s probably right, but it’s not an excuse to avoid me. I’m her sister. I need her.
“So Noah, huh? For how long?”
I sigh and lean into my pillow. “For as long as I can remember. I don’t know when it started or when the childhood crush turned into stupid adult feelings, but… always. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore though because Dessie’s pregnant and he went back to Portland with her.”
“He may still come around.” Ben’s hopeful. It’s a nice attribute.
“Not with a baby. Noah grew up not knowing his real father. He would never do that to his own child. I can’t compete with a tiny human. I won’t.”
“Sounds like we’re in the same boat, sharing the same paddle and going nowhere.”
I rest my head on his shoulder and he places his hand in mine. For as long as I’ve known Ben, I always thought he and my sister would end up together. At least for them, there’s still hope.
22
Noah
I stand in front of my living room window, watching as snowflakes fall from the sky. Down below, it doesn’t look like anything is sticking, which means Dessie and I shouldn’t have any problems flying.
My season is over and so is my career if I don’t play my cards right. After I left Peyton in the hospital, breaking both our hearts, I continued to play like crap and was benched for the last game of the season. If that’s not a slap in the face, I don’t know what is.
Dessie comes into the room and turns on the Christmas tree. I study her profile through the reflection, looking hard to see if there’s a baby bump yet. The one appointment she’s had since she burst into Peyton’s room and dropped the bomb, I was out of town for. Dessie gushed on how she was able to hear the heartbeat, but never thought to record the sound for me.
I avert my eyes so she doesn’t see me looking and stare out into the city. At best, our relationship is strained. She tries. I avoid. And I’m the biggest ass for doing so. I should be happy she’s carrying my child. Babies are miracles and I know there are millions out there who struggle to get pregnant. I just don’t want her to be the one to have mine. Of course, I should have thought about that long before I ever slept with her.
“Do you think this snow is going to hamper our trip?”
I shake my head and take a sip of the whiskey I poured myself over an hour ago after I came back from meeting with my coach. He yelled. I listened. I came home and poured a drink, which is something I never do.
“I still don’t understand why your father couldn’t let us use the band’s plane,” Dessie says as she walks away. It’s probably because I never asked him. When I told my mom I’d be home for Christmas, she didn’t seem so thrilled to hear Dessie was coming with me. I have yet to tell my parents she’s pregnant and I’m not sure if Peyton told anyone. If she did, my parents are doing a damn fine job of hiding it from me.