Holding Onto Forever

“You wouldn’t have Mack and Amelie.”

“Well, I can do without Mack,” my dad mutters but does so with a partial smile.

Nick glares at my dad and shakes his head. “Right, I’d be a shell of who I am now. Lost in a world of heartache and despair. I would’ve watched you grow up from the outside looking in and not been a part of your life. Aubrey… she encouraged me, guided me into looking deep within myself to find the man I was supposed to be.

“I know it wasn’t easy for your dad to let me be a part of your life, but I’m beyond grateful he allowed it. Just because you’re not with the mother of your child, doesn’t make you any less of a father.”

“As much as I hate saying this, Noah, Nick is right. Without him, where are you? Are you the standout baseball player in high school, the starting quarterback of a professional team? He started you on that path, not me. I jumped in and rode the coattails. Most of the time I hated it, but at least you had Nick, who I know loved you, who stepped up and raised a child that wasn’t his own, only to lose him. Wouldn’t you rather your child be loved by everyone?”

“Marriage shouldn’t be out of obligation, Noah,” Nick adds.

“And you shouldn’t jump into anything until you’re a hundred percent sure,” Dad says.

“About what? Marriage? I’ll never be sure, especially with her. I broke up with her before Peyton woke up, and days later she tells me she’s pregnant.”

“Are you sure she’s pregnant?” Nick asks.

“I mean, she says she is.”

My dad groans loudly. I know from his past experience, he’s not always trusting of people and has good reasons not to be.

“You have every right to ask for proof, Noah,” Nick suggests.

“She went to the doctor, but I had an away game.” Even as I say the words out loud I’m starting to second-guess everything. Dessie wouldn’t do this to me, would she? “She can’t fake a pregnancy,” I tell them. “We aren’t sleeping together so it’s not like she can suddenly get pregnant.”

Neither of them say anything. They don’t have to. There is already enough doubt in my mind. They don’t need to add to it. Dessie told me she was months along, which should mean she should start showing soon. It also means there could be some damage to the baby because of her partying.

“Nick, is there a way to check and see if the baby is healthy?”

“Yeah, there is. Why, are you concerned?”

I nod. “Dessie parties, at least she had been up until she told me she was pregnant.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What if there’s something wrong with the baby?”

Nick places his hand on my back. “We can run a test to make sure. Dessie has to agree though.”

“Right.” I nod. I like to think she would, but I can’t be sure.

“Noah, have you considered you might not be the father?”

I look at my dad and shake my head. “Why would you say that?”

He frowns and decides now is a good time for a beer. “I was in a similar situation. As soon as I was told there was a baby, I bailed. I thought there was no way in hell I was the father because we used protection. I refused to believe it.”

“And where’s the child now?” I ask, swallowing hard. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if my dad tells me I have another sibling somewhere.

“There isn’t one, or there wasn’t. The woman… she caused a lot of problems for you, your mom, Harrison and me. I don’t know if she ever was pregnant, but I knew I was going to wait until the baby arrived before I took responsibility.”

“Because you didn’t believe her?”

He nods. “I didn’t. And I had good reason not to. She knew I would never be with her the way she wanted me to be, that I would never love her the way I loved your mother. I used her to cope, to numb my feelings, and when I came back here, she did everything she could to destroy what I was trying to build.”

My father’s words sink in. I don’t want to believe Dessie would lie to me, but it seems convenient she just found out she’s not only pregnant but also far enough along to miss a few cycles. I know she has a stressful job, but her body is her career, how would she not know she’s months along?

“What am I going to do?” I ask both of them.

“Not make a decision at the water tower is my suggestion,” Nick says.

“What do you say we head home? Your mom is probably pacing the floor and likely pulling her hair out. Don’t be surprised if she wrings your neck and hugs you after the fact.”