I shake my head and reach my arms out. I could walk a little with his assistance, but I don’t want to pass up the opportunity to be held by him. It’ll be my last time ever and as much as it’ll torture me later, this is what I want.
Noah cradles me to his chest. I refuse to read anything into the gesture, and can’t help but wonder if this is what it would be like to be carried to bed by him. If I’m going to survive today, I need to look at everything objectively and remind myself he’s getting married this weekend. He chose someone else.
He sets me down in the truck and rushes around to the other side. “Do you remember the last time you were in here?” he asks as he pulls away from the curb.
Yes, I think but don’t say it out loud.
Noah turns down the radio, so it’s just us with our breathing, sighing, and the outside traffic to clog my brain with noise. He pulls up to the stoplight and someone yells his name. This is small town life at its best right here.
“My dad knows, Peyton.”
“Knows what?”
“About us. Prom night.”
I chose to stare out the window instead of him. I guess I didn’t realize losing my virginity would be a hot topic for the Westbury men.
“When you were in the coma, I was talking to you. I was trying to bring up happy memories, at least those I consider happy, and prom night was one of them.”
As he drives forward, I continue to stare out the window.
“My dad overheard me talking to you about it. He was pissed until I told him.”
I don’t want to know, but I ask anyway. “Told him what?”
“That I was in love with you and thought we’d be together after that night, but I screwed up by taking you to the cliffs. You see, I thought looking out over the ravine would be romantic, but then you started talking about college and how excited you were to finally be free. I started wondering how free you would be if we were together. Would you feel comfortable going out? How would I feel? My mind went in a hundred different directions so I kept my mouth shut and my feelings to myself.”
As much as I’ve tried to keep the tears away, I can’t. Noah pulls into the parking lot by the football stadium and puts his truck into park. I know I should move, but I can’t.
“Come to find out, taking a girl to the cliffs means different things for different people. Dad says you probably thought I was going to tell you that the night before shouldn’t have happened, which is why you were going on about school and everything else.”
I close my eyes as memories of prom, the night of and the day after flood my thoughts. I came onto him. I asked him to get us a room because I wanted him to be my first. I was finally eighteen and legal. No more silly thoughts or wasted hopes and dreams. Noah and I could be together. In my mind, it worked. He could live in Chicago until the season started, coming home on Sunday evenings and flying back for practice. But it wasn’t meant to be.
Noah doesn’t say anything as he gets out of the truck. He walks around the front and opens my door, resting his hand on my leg. “Peyton, that night meant everything to me.”
“Me too.” The words are out of my mouth and there’s no taking them back.
He nods and steps away. I want him to come back and tell me how he feels, but I can’t take much more heartbreak. Our moment, as brief as it was, has passed. I think about telling him about Dessie and the text message she sent me when they first started dating, but I bite my tongue. I’m not spiteful even though I want to be.
By the time he wakes up for his wedding, I’ll be gone. I can’t stay here and be a part of the ceremony of a man I love desperately, as he pledges his love to someone else. It’ll kill me. Nursing my broken heart in the comfort of my own home is what’s best for me. Telling my parents though, that’ll be hard. They won’t understand why I have the sudden urge to return to California.
30
Noah
I never intended to stop by the Powell-James home until I heard Katelyn say Peyton was by herself. Driving over there was like second-nature. I knew each turn like the back of my hand, and each house I drove by, I could recall which teammate lived there along with his position.
Beaumont means something to me. It’s home, and it’s taken me days to figure this out. It’s where I’m comfortable. Where I plan to retire or move to after I’m booted off the Pioneers for my lackluster performance on which I’m blaming Peyton in a roundabout way, even though it’s not her fault.