So much for calming down. Darby’s face drains to deathly pale, and her body goes back to trembling. Tears pour out of her eyes that are burning with betrayal. Using her for a verbal punching bag is the last thing on my mind, but for some reason, I can’t stop.
“Connie Webber marked me. I was an easy target when you left. You know our old crew; they were partiers. When you dipped out, she introduced me to a world of pot and booze that killed the pain every night. It was easier to live in a foggy haze than to face my world without you. It took her ten weeks to snake herself into my life, taking my grief and vulnerability and using it to her advantage. I didn’t see it then, but she saw it crystal clear. I used condoms, Darby, but I should have doubled up on those fuckers. I also should have wrapped my own shit up and not let her take control. But that’s what weed does. It mellowed me out so fucking much I handed that little plastic wrapper to her and let her slide it on. She knew she was pregnant within twenty-four hours of missing her period. And she was so goddamned ecstatic I knew I was fucked.”
“I really think I should go.” She starts to back away, looking around desperately, for what, I don’t know.
“I think you should stay and hear how it all went down after that.”
“I’m not sure I can.”
“My family said that shit about you trapping me into marriage, but they should have saved their bullshit for what happened next. Connie thought she was getting a ring, a husband, and a grand mansion with me to pay for it all. She was dispelled of that notion lightning fast. What she got instead was the apartment next to Miller’s and mine. My ass was working dawn until dusk, paying for most of her shit. It was easy to avoid her because she was living easy. She was pissed I wasn’t around, but I did everything in my power for her when it came to the baby. When Maya was born, Miller moved out, and I turned his room into a nursery. My mom was around to help, but every night when I got home, I’d shower and go get my baby girl so Connie could get a full night’s sleep. She had the days, and I had the nights. Connie kept going though. By this time, she’d turned into a full out bitch. Nothing I did was good enough. Her family put the pressure on, but I cut that line. Then, for the second time in my life, I got sloppy and stupid.”
“Cole?” She flinches at his name.
“Didn’t learn my lesson. But I loved my little girl and decided to let it go and try to form a cordial relationship with Connie. Things weren’t perfect, but they were going better. She saw her opportunity and came after it. Bruce’s bachelor party turned wild. He rented a party bus. We started the night at a sports bar and ended the night at a strip joint on the outskirts of town. Bruce was so pussy whipped; he immediately let Blaire know where we were. Thirty minutes later, the gaggle of women crashed in. Seeing as Blaire is Connie’s best friend, Connie was right there with them. Maya was with Connie’s mom for the night, and Connie was on a mission. I hadn’t touched pot in over a year, but I was hammered. I avoided her most of the time, but when I went to the bathroom, she cornered me. Her face said it all. I tried to dodge her, but my inhibitions were hazy. She was persistent, and since I’d been staring at naked girls for an hour, I was horny.
“The thing about Connie is she has no shame. She dropped to her knees, slid the condom on, and then bent over. She actually thought I loved doing her doggy-style and never picked up on the fact that I didn’t want to see her face. My son was conceived while I banged his mother over a toilet in the bathroom of a seedy strip club.”
“Oh my God.”
“I’ve never told anyone that, Darby. See, for all those months, I’d been living under the impression that her pregnancy with Maya was a complete and total accident. I can’t prove it, but I’ve always believed that she did something to compromise the protection.”
She’s no longer pale but has turned a sickly green. The desperation in her eyes returns, and before I can ask if she’s okay, she’s in front of my sink, doubled over. I get to her in time to rescue her hair as she hurls over and over again. With each lurch of her body, my guilt rises. She heaves until nothing is left.